Know Cost Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for know cost comic strips. Discover the best "Know Cost" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2008's comic on:


Tags #health problems, #absenteeism, #raise, #avoid exercise

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Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2008's comic on:


Tags #cost estimates, #eyebrwo, #ghost, #recognize ghost, #helpful, #how to kill, #garlic and shopvac

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A man says, "Alice, when will I get your cost estimates?" Alice says, "When will your one eyebrow turn into two?" The man says, "Is that the ghost of the guy who used to have your job? He makes you look bad because he was always helpful." Alice says, "If you're so helpful, tell me how to kill you." The ghost says, "Dang... try garlic and a shop-vac."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #magic button, #cost estimates, #push, #phrase, #swear

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Dilbert says, "This is a magic button." Dilbert says, "Any time you ask for cost estimates, I push the button and it guides me." Button says, "Pull the numbers out of your?" Dilbert says, "It only says the one thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #salesman, #lying, #annoyed, #reading, #caught

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Man says, "Your order will only cost about $20,000." Dilbert says, "No it won't." Dilbert says, "We both know you're intentionally underestimating the true cost to get the sale, you lying sack of spit." Man says, "You're not supposed to say that out loud." Dilbert says, "Is it okay if I imagine a bear attacking you?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #lying, #bidders, #cost, #invoice, #bid, #crooked

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Dilbert says, "This invoice is for twice as much as your bid." The Man says, "Duh. You wouldn't have given us the job if we told you how much it was really going to cost." Man says, "If it makes you feel any better, all of the other bidders lied too. We're just better at it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #archaic sayings, #bite the hand, #cost of measuring, #direct deposit, #measuring incorrectly, #rock carving, #software development, #web design, #wise sayings

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The Boss: My management philosophy is 'measure' twice, cut once. Dilbert: That only makes sense in a narrow, and generally archaic, set of conditions. In software development, the item being cut, metaphorically speaking, is often plentiful and inexpensive. In many cases, the cost of measuring incorrectly is low compared to the time wasted doing two measurements before every action. Your philosophy is better suited for rock carving than web design. Do you have any wise sayings that involve churning your own butter, or putting saddles on dinosaurs?" The Boss: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Dilbert: I have direct deposit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 30, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dont know, #fail test, #it is what it is, #security audit, #developers

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Dilbert: The security audit accidentally locked all of the developers out of the system. The Boss: Well. It is what it is. Dilbert: How does that help? The Boss: You don't know what you don't know. Dilbert: Congratulations. You're the first human to fail the turing test. The Boss: What does that mean?Um... Dilbert: It is what it is? The Boss: Why didn't you say that in the first place?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2008's comic on:


Tags #retirement plans, #for losers, #winners keep jobs, #no stress, #free coffee, #cost estimates, #worthless leech

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Asok says, "Wally, what do you plan to do after you retire?" Wally says, "Retirement is for losers, Asok." Wally says, "Winners keep their jobs but stop caring about the quality of their work." Wally says, "I have no stress, free coffee, and I get paid, too." Wally says, "Watch how this works." Ted says, "Wally, can you give me some cost estimates for my project?" Wally says, "I'm too busy. Ask Dilbert." Asok says, "Doesn't this make you a worthless leech on society?" Wally says, "I'm pretty sure the winner in that example is the leech."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #employee review, #idea, #annoyance, #raise

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The Boss says, "Once again, Wally, you have accomplished nothing this quarter." Wally says, "What about that billion dollar cost-saving idea I had?" The Boss says, "Your idea would only save one dollar per year." Wally says, "Exactly. In a billion years that a billion dollars." The Boss says, "The company won't be in business that long." Wally says, "Why not? Do you know something I don't know?" Wally says, "So, what kind of raise are we looking at here?" Dilbert says, "He gave you a billion dollar raise?" Wally says, "It's not as good as it sounds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2010's comic on:


Tags #cost estimate, #deny, #numbers, #manipulate, #decisions, #hurt, #typing at computer, #humming noise, #annoy, #go away, #angry face, #home, #sitting on couch

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Coworker says, "Can I get a rough cost estimate for the design phase?" Dilbert says, "No. I don't trust you with numbers." Coworker says, "What?" Dilbert says, "You're the kind of guy who will remove useful qualifiers and distribute a figure as if it is true in all cases." Dilbert says, "Decisions will be made. People will get hurt." Dilbert says, "For everyone's sake, the safest thing I can do is make an annoying humming sound until you go away." Dilbert says, "Hummmmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmm." Dilbert says, "Half of life is making people go away." Dogbert says, "Humm-mmmm"