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Dilbert stands on a book on a chair and works at a computer. He tells Dilbert, "I call my new operating system the 'Dogbert 2000.'" Dogbert continues, "Soon I will dominate the entire PC industry! Heh-heh . . ." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "It looks like 'Windows 95.'" Dogbert replies, "I use some of the same graphic metaphors, but I pronounce them differently." Dilbert asks, "How do you pronounce the 'Microsoft' logo?"
Dogbert stands on an air traffic control panel. He says to the Boss, "Thanks to my leadership, the new air traffic control system is designed on time and under budget." Dogbert continues, "I had to cut a few corners. This big radar-looking thing is a wall clock. And most of the buttons are glued on." The Boss says, "It looks like it might be um . . . dangerous." Dogbert says angrily, "Great . . . I finish early and what do I get: 'feature creep.'"
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Wally, I've decided to move your project due date up a month." Wally responds angrily, "Every time it looks like I'll reach an objective, you move it! What does this prove about my performance?" The Boss answers, "It proves I'm better at setting objectives than you are at achieving them."
Ratbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "I had years of valuable experience as a rodent before I became vice president of marketing." Ratbert continues, "My marketing plan is simple. Each of you will cling to the leg of a technology columnist until we get some good press." Dilbert approaches a technology columnist and says, "It looks like you're full." The man has people clinging to both legs. He responds, "You can cling to the cat until a space opens."
Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "With all this talk of 'diversity' there's no mention of the pain we smart creatures endure while surrounded by dolts." Dilbert says, "Good point. I don't know how we do it." Dogbert walks away saying, "It looks like I'll have to hold secret meetings." Dilbert says, "Yeah, our lives are a constant struggle."
Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "It looks like we'll release our new product on time, despite its many defects." Dilbert continues, "We've minimized the economic impact of the defects via an advanced business process called 'hoping nobody notices.'" Dilbert continues, "And we've doubled our projected income by modifying our assumptions!" Wally adds, "A lot of this job is mental."
The Boss sits at his desk thinking, "I don't know how to fix any of the problems in this company. Maybe I'll just sit here quietly." The Boss thinks, "No, that wouldn't look managerly . . . I'll have to do something idiotic and hope it looks like leadership." The Boss says to Dilbert, who is sitting at his desk, "We're going to have an 'Iron Man' team-building competition." Dilbert replies, "What a bunch of leadership . . ."
The Boss says, "This next award goes to Kim for her exceptional work." The Boss continues, "Kim worked evenings and weekends to fix the problems that were caused by her own incompetence." The Boss continues, "And it looks like Kim has a full plate for the coming year, too." Kim looks at the plaque and asks, "Which side faces the wall?"
The Boss sits at his desk and tells Dilbert, "Whenever we disagree, I always end up yelling." The Boss continues, "That's an indication that you have poor interpersonal skills. I'm sending you to a class to improve them." Dilbert says, "It looks like you've gained weight. Would it help if I started jogging?" The Boss replies, "This is exactly what I'm talking about."
Dilbert shouts at Asok, "I don't care what it 'looks' like on the org chart! You're an intern, not my boss!" The Boss pats Asok on the back and says, "I just saw the new org chart. Congratulations on your promotion, Asok!" Asok and the Boss walk away from Dilbert's desk. Asok says, "Let's go make some strategies and pretend it's work!" The Boss whispers, "Not so loud. The L-U-S-E-R might hear." Dilbert bangs his head on the desk.