Low Sales Comic Strips - Page 8
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The boss sits in a meeting with Alice and Dilbert. The boss says, "For the tenth year in a row, the employee satisfaction survey says morale is low. The boss says, "Managers' bonuses are linked to these results. You can be sure we'll make big changes...." The boss says, "...to the survey."
Dilbert, Wally and the boss are in a meeting. Wally, still with his ponytail, says, "I used company resources to build my own internet company." Wally says, "Apparently my low job satisfaction bred disloyalty, which drifted into outright theft." Wally says, "Sabotage can't be far away."
Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, to Alice, "Alice, you blame others for your low morale." Catbert points at Alice and says, "BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS YOUR TIGHT PANTYHOSE!!" Alice says, "I don't think so." CAtbert says, "Then how do you explain your oversized head?"
The Boss, sits at his desk and says to Wally, "Wally, technology is a young man's game." The Boss presents an embryo in a glass in his hand and says, "That's why I'm replacing you with this low-paid embryo." The Boss, off-frame except for hand and embryo, says, "Teach him to do what you do." Wally says, "He's already doing it."
Alice says to Wally as he leaves his cubicle, "I hear you're being replaced by a low-paid embryo. May I see it?" The embryo is on the table. A straw runs from the embryo ti a coffee mug. Alice says, "He is so-oo cute!" Wally says, "I'm teaching him to drink coffee." Alice says, "Is that healthy?" Wally says, "It must be. I drink six quarts a day, and look at me."
The boss, Wally and Dilbert are in a meeting. The boss has a sheet of paper and a pen on the table. The boss says: "We have the best employees in the world..." The boss says: "...not counting the people who refuse to work here because the pay is so low." The boss thinks while writing something: "Improve morale... done." Wally and Dilbert look away.
Dogbert Consults: The boss is sitting at his desk and Dogbert is on top of his desk. Dogbert says to the boss: "You need to do data mining to uncover hidden sales trends." Dogbert says: "If you mine the data hard enough, you can also find messages from God." The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, on the table Dogbert has sheets of paper and shows them to the boss there is also a laptop. Dogbert says to the boss: "...sales to lefthanded squirrels are up...and God says your tie doesn't go with that shirt."
The boss and Dogbert are in a meeting, Dogbert is wearing a mining hard hat. The boss says: "Our consultant has been mining all day." Dogbert says: "The results are quite shocking." The boss is sitting between Dilbert and Dogbert, he is reading a sheet of paper. The boss says: "According to the data, sales are always highest when I do this..." The boss pulls the side of his mouth with one hand and pulls his nose up with the other, Dilbert and Dogbert look at him.
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need to take a class to learn the new technology." The Boss replies, "Our vendor's sales person will teach you everything he knows." The sales person begins explaining to Dilbert, who sits taking notes. "You only need 'three moist towelettes' to give yourself a sponge bath."
Dilbert says to Ed, "I finished upgrading the sales support network." Ed responds angrily, "Is that why I can't unlock my Lexus?!!" Dilbert replies, "You don't own a Lexus. You only look like a guy down the hall who owns one." Ed answers, "I hate that guy."