Manage Someone Else Comic Strips - Page 8

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536 Results for Manage Someone Else

View 71 - 80 results for manage someone else comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Someone Else" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #embarrassment, #internet & world wide web, #twitter account, #inspirational tweets, #racist rants, #spelled jokes, #terrorist websites, #boss's twitter

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Boss: When I asked you to manage my Twitter account I assumed you knew I was expecting inspirational tweets. So far, all you've tweeted under my name are racist rants, misspelled jokes, and links to terrorist websites. Carol: To be fair, every one of those tweets was inspirational to someone.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2008's comic on:


Tags #smart garbageman, #again soul, #someone less fortunate, #flowers on grave, #grave speaks

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Dilbert: The world's smartest garbage man says I need to help someone less fortunate to regain my soul. Ratbert: Don't look at me. I'm happier than a tickled clam. Dilbert: I brought you some flowers, dead person. Dead person: I don't need 'em I'm good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2008's comic on:


Tags #job interview, #bed news, #upset, #hire someone, #hates boss, #set up, #cruel

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Job Interview The Boss says, "Would you tell me bad news even if you knew it would upset me?" A man says, "Yes, I would." The Boss says, "Why would I hire someone who hates me?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2008's comic on:


Tags #director of the green, #director of something else, #screwing up

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The Boss says, "Andy has been appointed our director of green." Dilbert says, "Director of green? How do you get a job like that?" Andy says, "You start by being the director of something else and screwing it up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #security, #canceled, #accident, #help, #scared, #nervous, #ductwork, #forage, #stale donuts, #manage, #small vent

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The Boss says, "Asok, my security clearance was accidentally canceled. I need your help." Asok says, "Maybe you could live in the ductwork, and forage for stale donuts after dark." The Boss says, "How can I fit in there?" Asok says, "Try foraging as effectively as you manage."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2011's comic on:


Tags #farmers & farm workers, #work ethic, #manage issues, #align org. activities, #stakeholder, #real work, #farm

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Wally sys, "Should I continue to manage issues?" Wally says, "Or should I align organizational activities with stakeholder expectations?" The Boss says, "Which answer would cause you to do real work?" Wally says, "What is this, a farm?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 2008's comic on:


Tags #computer, #defense, #security, #workstation, #logged in, #netowrk, #teach someone a lesson, #activating defensive wedgie system, #violated perimeter, #technology

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The boss: This workstation is still logged in to the network. It's time to teach someone a lesson about security. I'll just go in here and... Computer: WARNING! WARNING! IDIOT ALERT! The boss: GAAA! Computer: ACTIVATING DEFENSIVE WEDGIE SYSTEM.Dilbert: I have to go. Some idiot violated my perimeter. The boss: Please make it stop. Dilbert: Then how would you learn?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 05, 2010's comic on:


Tags #design plan, #suboptimal, #highlighted items, #illusion of fullness, #olden times, #hat, #manage like its 1800's

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Dilbert says, "My design plan is obviously too complex for a manager to understand." Dilbert says, "So I highlighted a few areas that are intentionally suboptimal." Dilbert says, "Just point to the highlighted items and demand that I fix them." Dilbert says, "That will give you the illusion of usefulness." Dilbert says, "Pretend this is olden times when bosses knew what their employees did for a living." Dilbert says, "To round out the fantasy, wear this hat made from a dead animal." Dilbert says, "Now manage me like it's the 1800's!" Boss says, "Do you have a smaller hat?" Dilbert says, "Imagine that we're out of candles."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage spreadsheet, #track things, #problems, #cute optimism, #pretty fuzzy

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The Boss: I've decided to manage by spreadsheet. "I'll track things until all of our problems fix themselves." CatBert: "Your optimism is cute." The Boss: "Thanks. You're pretty fuzzy yourself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2007's comic on:


Tags #manage, #spreadsheets, #emails, #luck, #unimportant subordinates, #bad mood, #insulting, #low morale

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The boss: "Cancel all of my meetings. I'm going to manage by making spreadsheets and sending e-mails." "With any luck, I'll never again need to speak with unimportant subordinates such as yourself." "C23 is in a bad mood today." "@#$%^!"