Manage Spreadsheet Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

87 Results for Manage Spreadsheet

View 71 - 80 results for manage spreadsheet comic strips. Discover the best "Manage Spreadsheet" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #300 days, #complete, #finish by 5oclock, #clean desk, #fired, #lose interest

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: "I hired all of you because the project will take 300 man days to complete." "There are 300 of you, so I want you to finish by five o'clock and clean out your desks. You're all fired." "If it takes more than one meeting to manage a project, I lose interest."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Blah, blah, blah, blah." "Uh-oh." "It's 2 o'clock and my brain has shut down for the afternoon." "Blah, blah, blah, blah..." "I have no idea what he's talking about." "This calls for some generic leadership." "Do a cost-benefit analysis, get buy-in from all the key stakeholders, and track the critical metrics." "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a conference call." push "How did anyone manage before there were fake conference calls?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Why is your project months behind?" "I still don't have the user's requirements because she's a complete nut job." "It's your job to manage that process!" "I complained to her boss, who promptly misinterpreted the problem and ordered her to work on the wrong stuff." "Then every member of her family got a serious illness. Then she got called to jury duty." "She promised to give me the requirements this afternoon." "It was too hard to come up with my own requirements, so I just copied the requirements from another product." "Is the other product similar to what you want?" "Where are you going with this?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #fantasy, #money, #shrubs, #budget estimates, #spreadhseet, #ipad, #plant growing, #well fertilized

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I put your budget estimates into a spreadsheet as you asked. A well-fertilized shrub sprouted out of my iPad. What does this mean? Boss: That's how you know the budget is done.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #low standards, #managers, #standards, #micro manage, #furniture, #communicates, #plan, #temporary boss

View Transcript

Transcript

Temporary Robot Boss. Robot: I have come to micromanage you. But only until I replace you with a robot and turn you into furniture. Dilbert: On the plus side, he has a plan and he communicates well.

Wearing Gloves To Handle Spreadsheet

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wearing Gloves To Handle Spreadsheet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #numbers, #math, #blame, #messenger, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss asked me to show you some numbers he put together. CEO: Why are you wearing gloves? Dilbert: I'm afraid to get it on my hands.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Managing Your Boss

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Managing Your Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management, #accountability, #blame, #time, #time management

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Your project is three weeks behind schedule. Dilbert: That's the exact amount of time I was waiting for you to answer my questions. Boss: You need to manage me better. Dilbert: Okay, you're fired.

Wally's Dental Excuse

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Dental Excuse - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Wally, I need your input on my project plan. Wally: One moment, please. I have to check my spreadsheet to see which excuses I already used with you. Tina: I'll need a good one to get past my anger. Wally: Hmmm... maybe something dental.

Contradicting Himself

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Contradicting Himself - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #managing, #proof, #body cam, #camera, #recording

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my employee body cam playback, you contradicted yourself eleven times today. Boss: Your stupid body cam is interfering with my ability to manage. Dilbert: By "manage," do you mean contradicting yourself and later denying it? Boss: I don't not mean that.