Meets Goal Comic Strips - Page 8

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111 Results for Meets Goal

View 71 - 80 results for meets goal comic strips. Discover the best "Meets Goal" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2006's comic on:


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We can kick a field goal in the ninth inning if we use a full-court press. "Remember that you drive for show but you pick up the spare for dough." "Have you been helping Alice with her sports metaphors?" "Perhaps."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #goals for th eyear, #replace my soul, #become immortal, #coffee

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The Boss: Wally, what are your goals for the coming year? Wally: My goal is to replace my soul with coffee and become immortal. The boss: I mean something about work. Wally: Oh, I thought you said MY goals."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 24, 2013's comic on:


Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 13, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dogcart the ceo, #salary, #400x more, #admit your selfish, #money

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My salary is 400 times more than yours." Dogbert says, "My goal is to jack that up to 410, maybe 420." A woman says, "I hate you for this." Dogbert says, "So you admit you're selfish?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2008's comic on:


Tags #loser, #achieves nothing, #reality, #winner, #realistic goals, #genous, #have a pulse

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Wally says, "Some people see me as a loser who achieves nothing." Wally says, "In reality I am a winner who knows how to set realistic goals." Dilbert says, "So you're sort of a genius." Wally says, "And yet my only goal was to have a pulse."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2010's comic on:


Tags #dog, #warranty plan, #design, #hell, #hot, #tongs, #wide eyes, #evil, #insurance, #animals

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The Boss says, "I hired a confusopoly consultant to help us design an extended warranty plan." Dogbert says, "Our goal is to scare people into buying insurance that doesn't cover anything." Dogbert says, "I can't tell you where the contract was designed, but be careful because it's still hot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #stupidity, #ignorant, #cruel, #clueless, #angry, #yelling

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The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #dreams, #aspiration, #angry, #scared, #yelling, #economy, #screaming

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Asok says, "I'm recalibrating my hopes and dreams to be consistent with the state of the economy." Asok says, "My new goal is to not be smothered to death by an old mattress that falls off a salvage truck." Asok says, "And I am saving money by drinking nothing but mugs of stale air." Wally says, "You're scaring my coffee!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2009's comic on:


Tags #suggestion, #sitting, #typing, #annoyed, #sarcasm

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The boss says, "Our VP of Sales asks that you answer customer questions through the sales reps, not directly." Dilbert says, "Is the goal to reduce the timeliness of my answers or just to filter out the accuracy?" The boss says, "Why are you like this?" DIlbert says, "Should I tell you or the sales reps?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 22, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #talking, #discussing, #plan, #deception, #greed, #corruption

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We'll start ten mutual funds, each with randomly chosen stocks." Dogbert says, "Later we'll build our advertisements around whichever one does the best purely by chance." Dogbert says, "My goal is to be the premier provider of imaginary expertise." Wag! Wag!