Monkey Dna Comic Strips - Page 8
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116 Results for Monkey Dna
View 71 - 80 results for monkey dna comic strips. Discover the best "Monkey Dna" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday January 03,
2014
Tags #anger, #honesty, #criticize bahavior, #monkey on crack, #moron
Transcript
Boss: Criticize the behavior, not the person. The email you sent to everyone looks as if it had been written by a monkey on crack. Just to be clear, you are terrific, but everything you do is exactly what a moron would do.
Thursday May 22,
2014
Tags #live under bridge, #subordinates, #troll dna, #mother issues, #therapy, #therapist, #shrink, #patient, #couch, #pad and pen, #medical, #psychology
Transcript
None of my subordinates are supportive. I don't know why. Perhaps they're sensing that you have troll DNA. Um... What? Did your mom ever live under a bridge?
Monday December 07,
2015
Dna Kit Predicts Health Issues
Tags #technology, #future, #death, #prediction, #health, #reaction, #medical
Transcript
Dilbert: I combined a DNA test kit with big data to predict a person's future health issues. That depressing knowledge caused every member of the test group to make risky lifestyle choices. Now half of them are dead. At the risk of bragging, that's exactly what my model predicted.
Wednesday January 24,
2018
Alice Gives Honest Opinion
Tags #honest opinion, #monkey vomit, #rescind, #request
Transcript
The Boss: Alice, I want your honest opinion on my plan. Don't hold back. Alice: Your plan looks like a monkey vomited on a dictionary. The Boss: I remind my request for honesty,. Alice: Your plan is terrific!
Tuesday October 11,
2011
Tags #angry rich guy, #buy small companies, #mergers & acquisitions, #obscenely profitable, #prosperity, #suck good will, #universally despised
Transcript
CEO: Our company is obscenely profitable but universally despised. Our plan is to buy a smaller and more popular company, take their name, and suck out their goodwill like a monkey on an orange. Please welcome their founder, Bradley. He's the angriest rich guy you'll ever meet.
Tuesday March 06,
2012
Tags #copyright & trademark, #earmuffs for oysters, #insane, #lawsuit monkey, #lawyer, #legal
Transcript
Salesman: Do you mind if I pretend to be helpful while I awkwardly try to upsell you? Dilbert: Nope. Do you mind if I pretend to be listening while I think about other things? Salesman: Cool. Dilbert: I'm glad I don't have your job. Salesman: How old is your refrigerator? Do you like ice?
Wednesday May 02,
2012
Tags #service animal, #monkey, #coffee cup, #dignified, #coffee warm, #animals
Transcript
Carl: Thought being a service animal would be a noble calling. But I worry that our relationship has drifted into something less dignified. wally: Thats what keeps my coffee warm. CarL: I am so angry right now.
Monday May 15,
1989
Tags #poetry, #poem, #monkey, #animals
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert asks, "Well? What do you think of my new poem?" Dogbert replies, "I once read that given infinite time, a thousand monkeys with typewriters would eventually write the entire works of Shakespeare." Dilbert asks, "But what about MY poem?" Dogbert replies, "Three monkeys, ten minutes."
Tuesday September 12,
1989
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #hawk, #beak, #mud, #swallow, #bald, #eagle, #birds, #disco
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert crouch behind a bush and look through binoculars. Dogbert says, "Whoa! Looks like we got a pippin hawk, a prickly beak mud swallow, and a bald eagle." Dilbert says, "Robin." Dilbert asks, "How is it that you have spotted 1,700 exotic birds this morning, and all I have seen is one robin?" Dogbert points and says, "Look! A monkey-faced disco hawk!!" Dilbert asks, "Where?!"
Tuesday September 11,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #nasa, #shuttle, #specific, #duties, #video, #risky, #experiment, #ideas
Transcript
Nasa Scientist 1: You will be with one other... Uh... Astronaut in a private room. You two will have no specific duties on this mission. I'll be monitoring you on video. Nasa Scientist 2: A nerd, a monkey, and one Nintendo at zero gravity... Pretty risky experiment. Nasa Scientist 1: To be honest, we were running low on good ideas.