Monkey On Crack Comic Strips - Page 8
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91 Results for Monkey On Crack
View 71 - 80 results for monkey on crack comic strips. Discover the best "Monkey On Crack" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday June 13,
2003
Tags #homemaking skills, #marry a man, #garbageman, #present value cash flow, #comparison, #trained monkeys, #monkey surplus, #bobby upset
Transcript
Alice is walking outside, she approaches The Garbageman and asks, "Would it be wrong to marry a man for his homemaking skills?" The Garbageman replies, "Do a present-value cash-flow comparison of marriage versus the equivalent service from trained monkeys." Bobby is sobbing. Alice consoles him, "It's not you.. it's me... and a world wide oversupply of monkeys."
Monday July 25,
2005
Tags #20 % staff, #failing perfromance, #required, #muscles, #money hurlage, #metting, #denounce employees, #criticize
Transcript
"The company requires me to give failing performance reviews to 20% of my staff." "There are four of you, so that works out to...80% of a person." "Wally, your calf muscles and ankles are performing well, but the rest of you is monkey hurlage."
Wednesday July 27,
2005
Tags #forgetting things, #hospital, #odctors, #exam room, #monkeys brain, #replace brain, #medical
Transcript
"I keep forgetting where I put things." "The problem is that you're stupid." "I recommend replacing your brain with a monkey brain." "Will that help?" "No, I just hate monkeys."
Friday February 03,
2006
Tuesday September 12,
2006
Sunday March 10,
2013
Tags #work ethic, #fired, #programming code, #undocumented, #passwords, #death spiral, #huge raise
Transcript
Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.
Thursday July 29,
2010
Tags #public relations, #statue of liberty, #destroy, #new york harbor, #weapon demo, #remorse, #fake, #glasses, #fake tears, #water, #flood
Transcript
Dogbert the public relations consultant Dogbert says, "The public won't forgive you until you fake some remorse." Dogbert says, "These glasses have a hose that leads to a pumping station and a huge reservoir of fake tears." CEO says, "If we have another press conference, we should crack open a window."
Friday January 16,
2009
Tags #Advice, #help, #meeting, #injury, #violence, #business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I have no project of my own, so I wander the cubicles offering unsolicited advice." Dilbert says, "Speaking of which, you should put a little extra thought into your cooling system design. It looks monkey-made." Dilbert says, "I'm discovering that honest and helpful are a bad combination."
Sunday May 16,
2010
Tags #wolfgang, #legend, #spread rumor, #scacred, #hand up, #shake, #beard, #name, #plead, #bow, #software genius
Transcript
The Boss says, "I asked Wolfgang to join us." The Boss says, "He's a software genius, if not a legend." The Boss says, "He knows more than all of you put together." The Boss says, "Plus his name is Wolfgang." The Boss says, "Some say his talent is a genetic mutation. Others say that god speaks to him in Unix." The Boss says, "All we know for sure is that he glows, and he never needs to eat." The Boss says, "I feel a chill. It means he's appraoching." The Boss says, "Please don't reprogram my DNA and make me a monkey-man!!!" Wally says, "People make a lot of assumptions when you change your name to Wolfgang and stop shaving."
Sunday April 15,
2007
Transcript
Company Lawyer "I did a trademark search on all of the excellent product names you suggested." "Every one of them is taken." "So I did a search on the names that weren't so great." "Those are taken, too." "Then I checked on the names iCrud, iPuke, EatDirtAndDie, and DefectiveProduct." "All taken." "So our new product name will be a combination of grunts and shrieks." "Like this? GrrrrrEeeyYaaa?" "That one is taken. Ours sounds more like a monkey passing a kidney stone."