Network Comic Strips - Page 8
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111 Results for Network
View 71 - 80 results for network comic strips. Discover the best "Network" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday September 07,
1996
Tags network adminsitrator, routers, block employees, websites, program routers, useless activities, business plan
Transcript
Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."
Tuesday January 28,
1997
Tags figure of speech, lost work, server crashed, unplanned outages, advance notice
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "The network went down and I lost my work." Dilbert replies, "The server crashed." The Boss says, "From now on, I want advanced notice of any unplanned outages." The Boss adds, "And I need it yesterday." Dilbert thinks, "I used to think that was just a figure of speech."
Friday January 31,
1997
Tags asok the intern, installed calendar, software, schedule meetings easuer, cubicle justice, meeting until 3006, engineering
Transcript
Alice, Asok the Intern and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Asok says, "I installed calendar software on our network." Asok continues, "Now you can see everyone's schedule and easily set up meetings." Dilbert tells Alice, "I say we grab him and apply some cubicle justice." Alice points to the monitor and replies, "Good idea, but I'm in meetings until the year 3006."
Friday August 29,
1997
Tags Dogbert, network systems, software manual, manuals, mean spirirted, meet half way, door, window
Transcript
Dobert and Wally stand looking through a window in a door. Books are stacked on the other side. Dogbert says, "The software manuals are locked in this room." Dogbert continues, "I don't let users have manuals, for reasons that could only be described as mean-spirited." Wally presses himself against the glass and says, "Is there any way we can meet half-way on this?" Dogbert says, "Hey, that door didn't always have a window."
Monday September 01,
1997
Tags ignorant employees, controls information, board of directors, appointed emperor, escape key
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his computer. A voice comes from the video conferencing camera on top of the monitor. "This is Dogbert the Network Systems Administrator, to all ignorant employees." Dogbert stands in front of a computer terminal. He says, "He who controls your information, controls you. I control your information." The Boss sits at his computer. Dogbert voice says, "The board of directors has appointed me Emperor for Life. Bring the pointy-haried boss to me." The Boss furiously presses a key on his keyboard and thinks, "Uh-oh! The 'escape' key isn't working!"
Sunday May 05,
1996
Tags square pattern, move cubicle, random pattern symetry, waste of time, 5 people, downsized, formed pentagon
Transcript
The Boss tells Dilbert, "I need to move you one cubicle down." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "That way my people will still be in a square pattern." The Boss explains, "You're in a random pattern now. The symmetry is bad." Dilbert says, "You want me to waste two days of work to move . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have no phone and no network connection for a week . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have to order new business cards and update my cubicle address on dozens of records." Dilbert continues, "And you still won't have a SQUARE because there are FIVE of us." A man stands in the door of Dilbert's cubicle holding a box. He tells Dilbert, "I got downsized. Apparently somebody complained that I formed a pentagon." Dilbert replies, "That can happen."
Sunday November 23,
1997
Tags revenue figures, no revenue, upgradimg, project revenues, spread hseet, fist of death
Transcript
The Boss stands at Alice's desk. The Boss says, "When you show this to our VP. Put in some revenue figures." Alice says, "There's no revenue. All we're doing is upgrading our network." The Boss says, "I might have told him the project has revenues." Alice grits her teeth. The Boss says, "Lets not confuse him by changing the story now." Alice covers her eyes. Alice screams, "Yi-yi-yi." Alice says, "O-o-o-okay. How much revenue do you want? A million dollars?" The Boss says, "I might have told him it was more." Alice screams, "Just tell me what lie to use!!!" The Boss says, "Can't you calculate it on the spreadsheet?" Alice's fists clench, Alice's eyes bulge. Alice thinks, "Must control....fist..of...death..."
Sunday July 19,
1998
Tags goal to motivate, build global satellite netwrok, feel sdifferent, Right, energetic feeling, pinned, burning couch, dizzy, budget cuts
Transcript
The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper and says, "This is the goal that will motivate you for the next year." Dilbert reads from the piece of paper: "'Build a global satellite network. Budget: $12,000.'" Dilbert looks at the Boss and says, "Motivation feels much different from what I imagined." Dilbert continues, "I was expecting a light, energetic feeling." Dilbert continues speaking and illustrates with his hands, "But it's more like being pinned under a burning couch." Dilbert puts his hand to his head and says, "Whoo, I'm getting dizzy." Dilbert stands up slowly and says, "I'd better lie down until the motivation wears off." The Boss leaves the room with Dilbert lying on the table. The Boss says, "He's going to be trouble during the next round of budget cuts."
Friday July 28,
2000
Tags upgarding, sales support, unlock lexus, guy down hall, owns lexus
Transcript
Dilbert says to Ed, "I finished upgrading the sales support network." Ed responds angrily, "Is that why I can't unlock my Lexus?!!" Dilbert replies, "You don't own a Lexus. You only look like a guy down the hall who owns one." Ed answers, "I hate that guy."
Tuesday October 17,
2000
Tags halluciantaing, Dilbert, punish, ambiguous, untraceable, die dilbert
Transcript
The boss is sitting at his desk thinking, "Did Dilbert do something terrible or am I hallucinating?" The boss continues to think, "I'd better play it safe and punish him in ways that are ambiguous and untraceable." A woman stands behind Dilbert and says, "I had to change your network password to 'Die-Dilbert-Die' and I can't say why."


