Never Produced Anything Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for never produced anything comic strips. Discover the best "Never Produced Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2003's comic on:


Tags #lead odg, #view never changes, #look at face, #imlying, #insightful analogy

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The boss: "Remember, if you're not the lead dog, the view never changes." Carol: "I'm not the lead dog, and I have to look at your face all day. The Boss: "What are you implying?" Carol: "I was admiring your insightful analogy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 06, 2003's comic on:


Tags #consulting firm, #fixing business strategies, #own industry, #doing bad, #never mention

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Consultant: My consulting firm specializes in fixing business strategies. Dilbert: Have you ever figured out why your own industry is in the toilet? Consultant: I'll give you a thousand dollars never to mention that again.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 09, 2003's comic on:


Tags #retired, #do anything, #all day long, #banging head, #earn money, #social infrastructure, #warm, #tingly, #sensation, #guilty

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Dogbert: "It's nice to be retired. I'll do a-a-anything I want to do all day long." "I guess you'll be banging your head against a wall today, trying to earn money for the social infrastructure." Dilbert: "Do you ever feel guilty?" Dogbert: "Is it a warm, tingly sensation that makes you wag?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2004's comic on:


Tags #involuntary sepration, #payroll, #fired, #can't touch anything, #way of saying fired

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"Ted, you're going to experience an involuntary separation from payroll." "I'm fired." "No-o-o-o. It's just that you won't be part of the payroll system." "And you're not allowed to touch anything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2004's comic on:


Tags #still alive, #deadly plot, #own fault, #afford enetertainment

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Carol: You're still alive?? How can the sbe?? The Boss: What? Carol: Nothing! Never Mind! I don't know anything about a deadly plot! Its his own fault for not paying me enough to afford entertainment. Alice ; good one.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2004's comic on:


Tags #explain the issue, #never comprehend, #conflicts, #never understand

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"I know I keep asking you this but could you explain the issue again?" "Well, something that you could never comprehend conflicts with something that you'd never understand." "Oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2004's comic on:


Tags #knowledge is power, #crush you

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Remember: Knowledge is power. "So never tell people anything because they might use it to crush you." "Do you understand?" "I'm not saying."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 13, 1999's comic on:


Tags #ideas, #naive, #whats wrong, #pat your head, #condescending, #empty handed

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Dilbert stands in the boss' office. Dilbert says, "So that's my idea. What do you think?" The boss says, "Dilbert, you are so naive." The boss says, "There are many things you don't understand." Dilbert says, "That's because you never tell me anything!" The boss says, "Dilbert, Dilbert, Dilbert.." Dilbert says, "Like now for example!" Dilbert says, "Jeepers Cripes! Just tell me what is wrong with my idea!" The boss motions to the side of his desk and says, "LEan over here so I can pat your head in a condescending way." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on their couch at home. Dogbert says, "So you took the pat?" Dilbert says, "I didn't want to leave empty-handed"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2002's comic on:


Tags #best, #hire back, #not old job, #sales, #train you to lie, #worst, #desparate, #take anything, #need money, #job, #take advantage of, #business

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Catbert says to Dilbert, "We can hire you back but not at your old job." Dilbert responds, "That's okay. I'll do anything but sales. I would be the worst salesperson on Earth." Catbert says, "It's sales." Dilbert replies, "Did I just say worst when I meant best?" Catbert responds, "We'll have to train you to lie better."