Own Phone Comic Strips - Page 8
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Alice stands in front of Catbert's desk. Alice says, "I don't understand your new dress code policy, Mr. Catbert." Catbert replies, "Maybe you're insane." Catbert continues, "It's simple. Fridays are 'casual.' But you can't wear blue jeans because jeans look good and feel good and you already own several pairs." Alice replies angrily, "It's another sadistic human resources plot to make people quit!!" Catbert answers, "Say hello to unsightly panty lines."
The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm happy to report that I have embraced the new company slogan 'Act like you own the company.'" Wally continues, "This morning I fired the marketing department and had security escort them out." The Boss replies, "That's not exactly what we had in mind . . ." As a security guard taps on the Boss's shoulder, Wally says, "Fortunately I anticipated your reaction."
The telephone rings. Dilbert picks up the phone and says, "Hello." The voice on the other end says, "This is the governor . . ." The governor says, "Do you remember that snotty letter you wrote about prison overcrowding? We thought YOU might want to look after one of our guys for thiry or forty years." The doorbell rings. A large man in a prison uniform says, "Hi. I'm Bob. My friends would call me 'Strangler' if they were alive." Bob carries a suitcase into the house and asks, "So, where do you keep the blunt objects? Sure is crowded in here." Dilbert clenches his fist and says, "Ooh! I am so tempted to fire off another letter over this!!" Dogbert says, "Yeah! 'Postage due' this time!"
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #co-worker, #john smith, #watch, #television, #cable, #america's most wanted, #wedgies, #entire, #town, #person, #victims, #wedgied, #own, #homes, #show, #adjust, #picture, #exactly, #invite, #people
Dilbert says, "Dogbert, this is my new co-worker, John Smith." The man with Dilbert says, "Yo." Dogbert says, "Yo." Dilbert says, "I invited him over to watch television. He doesn't have cable yet." Dilbert, Dogbert and John sit on the couch watching tv. The announcer says, "Next on 'America's Most Wanted.'" The host of the program says, "This man gave 'wedgies' to an entire town, one person at a time." There is a picture of John on the tv screen. The host continues, "The victims were wedgied in their own homes, usually while watching this show." John asks, "Can you lean over and adjust that picture?" Dilbert replies, "Sure." Dogbert says, "They don't even explain what a wedgie is." John reaches for Dilbert's pants. Dilbert's underwear has been pulled over his head. He tells Dogbert, "This is exactly why I don't invite people over more often."
Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. He says to the Boss, Alice and Wally, "I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number." Dogbert continues, "And a flaw in your product disables the customer's e-mail; they can't even write to you for help!" The Boss asks, "What if they ask a friend to e-mail us?" Alice responds, "People who use our product don't have friends." Wally asks, "Really? I use it."
Dilbert lies on the couch looking worried and Dogbert sits on the backrest. Dilbert says, "I have too many passwords in my life. What if I forget them?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he shouts, "You'd lose your job! You wouldn't be able to withdraw money or check phone messages! You'd be dead in a week!" Dilbert's hair and tie fly up and he says, "That would have been a good time to be quietly supportive, Dogbert." Dogbert responds, "Oh, yeah, that's a lot of fun."
Wally and Dilbert stand in front of the Boss's desk. Dilbert says, "Wally and I started our own company. We're selling the product that you said nobody wants." Wally adds, "Soon we will be rich." As they dance around the office, Dilbert says, "We do our victory jig in your face." Wally says, "Ba-bum" as the shakes back and forth. Wally and Dilbert are sobbing in the hallway. Alice asks, "When he showed you your employment agreement - where you gave all patent rights to this company - what part of the jig were you doing?" Dilbert replies, "Turbo mooning."
Alice stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "I admit I was skeptical when you said I would be empowered to make my own decisions . . ." Alice continues, "But I give you credit. You've let me work independently for three months . . . What's that look on your face?" Alice says, "Please tell me that it was empowerment I was experiencing." The Boss asks, "Did I ever mention that your project was canceled?"
Dilbert sits at a table with stacks of brochures in front of him. Dogbert stands on the table and says, "This is Marilyn Vos Savant, the smartest human alive." A woman stands behind Dogbert. Dogbert says, "She will help you understand your airline 'Often Flier' program." Marilyn looks at a brochure and says, "I'm stumped." Dilbert asks, "After this, could you tell me which phone company saves me the most money?" Marilyn replies, "My brain's trying to escape; you scared it." Her brain crawls out her ear.
Dilbert stands at the secretary's desk and says, "Carol, I don't mean to be critical about the department phone list you put together . . ." Dilbert continues, "But it's traditional to list people alphabetically, not sorted by phone number." Dilbert asks, "Because what possible use . . .?" Carol's telephone rings. She looks at the display and says, "Incoming call from . . . Let's see . . . It's Wally . . . I can ignore it."