Piece Of Dirt Comic Strips - Page 8

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196 Results for Piece Of Dirt

View 71 - 80 results for piece of dirt comic strips. Discover the best "Piece Of Dirt" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vital information, #deadline, #boss request, #traded work ethic, #banana, #break room

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Dilbert sits at his computer. The boss hands him a piece of paper. "I'll need this vital information by one o'clock." Dilbert thinks, "If I do a shoddy job, I can finish this and still make it to lunch!" Dilbert eats lunch with Alice and Wally. Dilbert says, "Today I traded my work ethic for a banana." Wally says, "I ate that banana years ago."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time sheet, #detailed, #easier to make up, #carol, #secreatry, #crinkles up

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Dilbert hands a piece of paper to Carol. Dilbert says, "Here's my time sheet, in exquisite detail." Carol wads the time sheet up. Carol says, "It's easier to input the numbers if I make them up as I go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worthless manager, #project reveiwed, #marking done

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Dilbert and the worthless manager sit at a table with piece of paper between them. Dilbert says, "At this phase, the project will be reviewed by a worthless manager." The worthless manager says, "Hee-hee! I wonder if he knows what people say about him." Dilbert writes on the paper. The worthless manager says, "Why are marking it 'done'? Did you decide to skip that phase?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #assign priority, #chance in a million, #process voucher, #you're a one, #long process, #lies

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Wally hands Carol a piece of paper. Wally says, "How long will it take to process my voucher?" Carol says, "I assign a priority to everyone. I'm happy to say you're a 'one'." Carol sits in front of her computer. Carol thinks, "One chance in a million."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #hr diretor, #improve perfromance, #feel bad, #faults, #boss lists faults, #hoping for improvement

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Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #need by tomorrow, #work all night, #sound grateful, #boss, #last minute assignment, #put upoin, #asks dilbert, #ungrateful boss

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The Boss hands Dilbert a piece of paper. The Boss says, "This is urgent. I need it by tomorrow." Dilbert says, "You've known about this for weeks. Now I'll have to work all night!" Dilbert says, "Could you at least say something that sounds grateful?" The boss says, "I'm glad I'm me!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cubicle walls, #improve communication, #worst ideas, #noblest reasons, #leashed and branded, #improve morale

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally are in a meeting. The boss reads from a piece of paper. The boss says, "Cubicle walls will be removed "in order to improve communication." Dilbert says, "Why do the worst ideas always have the noblest sounding reasons?" The Boss reads more from the report. The Boss says, "Employees will be leashed and branded "in order to improve morale."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project plan, #justify resources, #change software, #software changes, #plan

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The Boss and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss has a piece of paper in front of him and Dilbert has his laptop. The Boss says, "I'll need a project plan to justify the resources we need to change our software." Dilbert says, "I can make those software shnages in ten seconds." Dilbert types on the laptop. He says, "Done." The Boss says, "Good work. Now all we need is that plan."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technical recommendation, #keen insights, #boss immaturity

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Alice stands by the Boss's desk. The boss reads a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I don't understand your technical recommendation Alice." The Boss puts his hands to his temples. The Boss says, "I will rely on my keen insights about you as an engineer." Alice says, "That too would require knowledge on your part." The Boss says, "Shush!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #non employee certification, #messenger, #secretary, #receptionist, #carol, #Dilbert, #process raise

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Dilbert sits at his computer. Carol hands him a piece of paper. Carol says, "You need to sign the non-employee certification form before I process your raise." Dilbert looks at the form. Dilbert says, "But this would be a lie. I'm not a non-employee." Carol says, "I'm only the messenger." Dilbert says, "Where did this come from?" Carol says, "The file cabinet."