Position Code Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

184 Results for Position Code

View 71 - 80 results for position code comic strips. Discover the best "Position Code" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #dress code, #office, #office workers, #company shirts, #casual freidays, #lower self esteem, #stop complaining, #industry average, #feel overpaid

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I modified the dress code to require wearing company shirts on casual Fridays. That should lower our employees' self-esteem until they stop complaining about earning less than the industry average. Dilbert: Why do I feel overpaid today?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 16, 2008's comic on:


Tags #office workers, #valuable, #value, #legacy system, #less valuable, #never appear less valuable, #dress code troll

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I worry that being assigned to work on the legacy systems will make me appear less valuable in the future. Catbert: You have my word that you could never appear less valuable than you are now. Gilbert: Why do your assurances make me feel worse? Catbert: Your new dress code is "troll."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2008's comic on:


Tags #eat, #scare, #Word, #troll, #dress code, #cubicle, #scaring vendors, #word gets around

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I got reassigned to manage our legacy systems. The dress code is "troll." My cubicle is under the walkway. My side job is scaring vendors. Dogbert: Is that hard? Dilbert: Only the first day. After you eat one vendor, work gets around.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2010's comic on:


Tags #deadline, #late, #engineer code, #lightsaber, #kill, #annoy, #flashlight, #yell, #close eyes, #mouth open, #office

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I cannot meet your arbitrary deadline, so the engineer's code requires me to kill myself with a lightsaber." Dilbert says, "But lightsabers haven't been invented yet. The best I can do is annoy myself with a flashlight." The Boss says, "Could you do this in the hall?" Dilbert says, "Annoyance before dishonor!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 03, 2008's comic on:


Tags #position eleiminated, #performance, #not told, #position, #no explination, #just a trick, #feel less awkward, #hot replacement

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Ted, your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "What? You never told me there was anything wrong with my performance!" The Boss says, "It's not about your performance. Your position is being eliminated." Ted says, "Well, that seems mighty convenient." Ted says, "This way you can replace me without explaining why I never got a bad performance review." Ted says, "is this just a trick to make you feel less awkward while firing me?" A woman says, "I thought you said he'd be gone by now." The Boss says, "Is there any comfort in knowing your replacement is totally hot?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #unqualified, #position, #job, #higher salray, #negotiate riase, #irrational dipwad, #easily manipulated, #bogus compariosns, #illusion of scaricity, #can't have you, #desparate to hire, #rationalizations, #total lack of qaulifications, #write the offer, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"No offense, but you're totally unqualified for this position." Wally: "That's okay. I already have a job." "I just need a job offer at a higher salary so I can use it to negotiate for a raise." Wally: "My boss is an irrational dipwad who is easily manipulated by bogus comparisons and the illusion of scarcity." Wally: "Your offer will make him think my value is much higher than it actually is." "Great. Now that I know I can't have you, I desperately want to hire you." "My mind is already forming rationalizations for your total lack of qualifications!" "How do you turn this off?!!" Wally: "I'll tell you after you write the offer."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #write code, #faster, #high level of effciciency, #recognized, #rewarded, #works for you, #finish all projects, #one hour

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I found a clever way to write my application code in one hour! "Normally this sort of thing would take weeks." "I assume my high level of efficiency will be recognized and rewarded." Alice: "Let me know how that works out for you." The Boss: "You did all of that in one hour?" Asok: "Yes. I did." The Boss: "From now on. I expect you to finish all of your projects in one hours." "Otherwise I'll assume you're ripping off the company." Asok: "You could have warned me." Alice: "That's not how experience works."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2007's comic on:


Tags #bar code scanner, #lab tests, #capital budget, #varainace, #three bids, #form a team, #purchase order, #quitters

View Transcript

Transcript

"I need a $1,600 handheld bar code scanner to finish my lab tests." "Okay. Apply for a capital budget variance, prepare an RFP, get three bids, form a team to evaluate the bids, then prepare a purchase order." "Never mind. I'll just learn how to read bar codes by sight." "Quitter."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #agile programming, #cpmplain, #training, #write code, #no more planning, #no more documentation, #just start writing

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: We're going to try something called agile programming. "That means no more planning and no more documentation. Just start writing code and complaining." Wally: "I'm glad it has a name." The boos: "That was your training."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #recommend vendor, #internal debvelopers, #play out, #outside vendor, #clueless weasel, #begin work, #sign contract, #internal weasels complain, #use, #steaming mounds, #worthless code, #plan too much, #practiced yesterday

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands before the Boss giving a presentation. Dilbert says, "...And that's why I recommend using this vendor." The Boss asks, "Why don't we use our internal developers?" Dilbert replies, "Let me explain how this will play out." Dilbert begins drawing a diagram on the board. Dilbert says, "Step One: We select an outside vendor because our internal developers are clueless weasels." Dilbert continues, "Step Two: We sign a contract and begin work." Dilbert says, "Step Three: Our internal weasels complain to our VP and she order us to use them." Dilbert continues drawing a complex diagram on the board. Dilbert says, "Step Four: The outside vendor sues us while our weasels grunt out steaming mounds of worthless code." Dilbert returns home to Dogbert. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "Do I plan too much?" Dogbert says, "Is this the conversation we practiced yesterday?"