Predetermined Answer Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

168 Results for Predetermined Answer

View 71 - 80 results for predetermined answer comic strips. Discover the best "Predetermined Answer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dinner, #socially defective brain, #voicemail, #speakerphone

View Transcript

Transcript

Ron is sitting at his desk, using speakerphone to listen to his messages. The voice mail service is heard aloud, "Press one to hear." Alice approaches from behind and asks, "Why are you using your speakerphone for voice-mail?" She continues, annoyed, "I mean, seriously, what is going through that socially defective brain of yours?" Ron responds, "Would you like to have dinner?" To which Alice's answer is, "Yeah, why not."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #answers, #code language, #engineers, #justified, #no understanding, #questions, #roi, #policy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "From now on, everything we do must be justified by R.O.I." Dilbert asks, "What's the R.O.I. for this new policy about calculating R.O.I.?" The Boss says, "I said 'from now on.'" Dilbert points at The Boss and says, "What about your answer? No R.O.I."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dont email, #cucbilce, #manage and review, #reveiwed, #can't release

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert, "Don't e-mail your answer to my boss until I've reviewed it." Dilbert responds, "Um... Okay." Dilbert asks, "May I walk to my cubicle now or would you like to review the route first?" The Boss replies, "Now that you mentioned it, I can't release."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #face for wrinkles, #face is killing me, #inject deadly poison, #botox, #dermal fillers, #botchulism

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A female coworker approaches and asks, "Do you think I should inject a deadly poison in my face to hide wrinkles?" Dilbert responds, "It's only fair that you poison your face, because your face is killing me. Hee Hee Hee!" The coworker says, "The correct answer is 'You don't need to.'" Dilbert replies, "Was your mother a shar-pei?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mouse training, #important, #meeting, #question, #silly, #pick me, #answer, #diagram, #computer mouse, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Mouse training. The instructor asks the class, "Who wants to share an opinion on why mouse training is important?" Wally raises his hand enthusiastically and says, "Ooh-ooh! Pick me!" The instructor says, "Yes, Wally." Wally responds, "No one?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #investment baker, #hired wesel, #media questions, #stock holders, #good for stcokholders, #parking lot

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert introduces a weasel to The Boss, "I hired a weasel to teach you how to answer media questions." The weasel says, "No matter what the reporters ask, always give the same answer 'It will be good for stockholders.'" The Boss is answering media questions. A reporter asks, "Is it true that you ran over a stockholder in the parking lot?" The Boss responds, "It'll be good for him."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #take call, #excuse me, #inconsiderate guts, #crushing head, #imagine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is in a meeting. His coworker's cell phone rings. The coworker says, "Excuse me while I take this call." Dilbert replies, "Okay." Just as the coworker is about the answer his phone, Dilbert says, "Excuse me while I hate your inconsiderate guts." The coworker turns away annoyed and says into his phone, "No, nothing important." Dilbert continues, "Excuse me while I imagine crushing your head."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #customer references, #parking lot, #ring

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. Dilbert asks, "Do you have any customer references I could call?" The salesman hands him a piece of paper and says, "Right here." Dilbert calls the number, "Beep, beep, boop, beep." The salesman's cell phone rings. The salesman's cell phone continues to ring. Dilbert says, "No answer." The salesman replies, "Try again when I'm in the parking lot."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone not working, #short range, #same room, #tv remote control

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stops Wally and Dilbert in the hallway and asks, "Why isn't my cell phone working?" Dilbert responds, "That's a short-range cell phone. You need to be in the same room with the person you call." The Boss, Asok, and Alice are sitting. The Boss has his phone up to his ear. He thinks, "Answer the stinkin' phone, Alice." Asok asks, "Why are listening to a TV remote control?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #guest cartoonist, #nildo orbfutz, #consulting, #welocme, #breakroom, #on the job training

View Transcript

Transcript

"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."