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Headline: Evolution Training. Dogbert is standing atop a stool with a pointer in his hand. Zoltar is standing in front of the class. Dogbert introduces him, "Zoltar is a graduate of this class. He will demonstrate speed evolving." Zoltar shows the class his talent as Dogbert watches from his stool. He shakes with clenched fists and grunts, "Unh... Errr...Hoo...Ahh." Dogbert continues to stare at Zoltar, who now has small hands growing out of the side of his head. Zoltar responds, "I hope you're staring at my new sideburns."
Dilbert is sitting at his computer at home. He says into the telephone, "Look, I have three computers in the house. All three simultaneously lost e-mail but not web function." He continues, shaking his fist in the air, "That means the problem is in your e- mail service. Can you grasp that concept?" Dilbert is laying on the couch with a cup of coffee. He says into the phone, "Okay. I'm re-entering my account information... Hey, guess what? That didn't work either."
Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."
The Boss says to Wally, "Wally, you have failed to achieve any of your written objectives." The Boss continues, "But by pure chance you achieved all of my hidden objectives." The Boss hands Wally a piece of paper and says, "Here's another project I need smothered with defectiveness." Wally responds, "I'm all over it."
A coworker asks Dilbert, "Dude, why haven't you answered my e-mail?" Dilbert responds, "Your message was so poorly written that I didn't understand it and I didn't dare to start a dialogue." The coworker crosses his arms and says, "Maybe I should have a talk with your boss." Dilbert responds, "Maybe you should e-mail him."
The Boss introduces a robot to Dilbert, "This is Roboboss. He'll handle all of my trivial tasks." Dilbert responds, "I'm totally insulted that you think you can manage us with a machine!" The Boss turns to Roboboss and says, "Handle that." Roboboss responds, "I'll delegate it to my assistant, Plywood Boss."
The Boss says to Carol, "I call my idea 'Coffee with the Boss.' Each employee will get one hour of quality time with me." Carol responds, "I'd rather staple a skunk to my forehead and go to a trade show for banjo makers." Carol continues, "And yet, it's still better than working, so count me in." The Boss replies, "That's the spirit!"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "You're the first employee for my 'Coffee with the Boss' program." The Boss continues, "Feel free to say whatever is on your mind. Don't hold back. Give it to me straight." Dilbert says, "My chair has a squeak." The Boss yells, "You ungrateful whiny wretch!!!"
An employee comes into The Boss' office and says, "Ha ha! I quit you stinkin' pile of rubbish!" The employee continues, "I'm going to work for myself. I won't need to deal with morons like you again!" The employee calms down and adds, "On an unrelated note, if you need a freelance web designer, please call me."
Carol is sitting in her cubicle with a regular telephone in one hand and a cell phone in the other. She says into the regular phone, "So I told him to stop making noises with his lips." Carol turns and yells into the cell phone, "Get the Scorpion King action figure away from your sister's barbie!!!" Wally and Dilbert are looking over a cubicle wall. Wally says, "Now she's also typing a personal message with her nose!" Dilbert replies, "It's a trifecta!"