Real Winner Comic Strips - Page 8

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View 71 - 80 results for real winner comic strips. Discover the best "Real Winner" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #parent, #Family

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Dilbert sits at his desk working on his computer and Dogbert watches him. Dilbert says, "My computer simulation will determine, once and for all, the real reason dinosaurs became extinct." Dilbert continues, "Wait . . . According to this, it would be almost impossible for ALL dinosaurs to be extinct." Dogbert says, "Then they must just be . . ." Dogbert and Dilbert look at each other and say simultaneously, ". . . Hiding." A voice behind them says, "Yeah? Just try to find us." Another voice says, "Shhhh!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #neighbor, #participate, #talking

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Dilbert walks down the sidewalk. A man walking toward him says, "Hey, how are you? What's happenin'?" The man says, "Good to see you. I'm fine. Great, great. Take care." Dilbert thinks, "I guess there was no real need for me to participate in that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #accomplish, #performance, #worthless, #generate, #license

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "Tell me what you've accomplished this year so I can write your performance appraisal." Dilbert answers, "The inventions I made last year - that you thought were worthless, will generate twelve million in license fees next year!" The Boss asks, "So, no real accomplishments THIS year?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #mild, #flu, #normally, #survive, #brief, #developed, #empathy, #die, #afford, #ambassador, #class, #service

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Dogbert says to a patient on the examining table, "You have a mild flu, and normally you would survive." Dogbert continues, "However, in this brief visit I've developed no real empathy for you, so I've decided to let you die." The man asks, "Is there anything I can do?!" Dogbert replies, "Well . . . Unless you can afford my new 'Ambassador Class' service."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #tim, #working, #days, #secret, #project, #confidential, #proprietary, #important, #sounds

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Dilbert says to a man, "Hi, Tim. What are you working on these days?" Tim replies, "A secret project." Tim continues, "Very, very secret. Confidential and proprietary. Real hush-hush." Dilbert says, "It sounds important." Tim points a gun at Dilbert and says, "Just move along."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #hideous, #shopping, #experience, #pants, #Card, #reported, #stolen, #strangled, #minutes, #aisle, #six, #floor, #chalk, #outline

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Dilbert stands in line at a cash register thinking, "It was another hideous shopping experience, but I found exactly the pants I want." The clerk says to the man in front of Dilbert, "I'm sorry . . ." The salesclerk says, "This card was reported stolen. The real owner was strangled with his own pants just minutes ago on aisle six . . ." Dilbert looks at the pants he is holding and thinks, "That would explain why these were on the floor by the chalk outline."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #alice, #volunteering, #resume

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Dogbert says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Thank you all for volunteering for my task force on 'palmtop personal multimedia.'" Dogbert continues, "I'm sure that you all have a common vision about this project . . ." Dogbert continues, "Specifically, you think it will look good on your resumes while being too futuristic to generate any real work." Wally thinks, "Mother lode."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #spinning, #flung, #space, #locusts, #fling locusts

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Tina: "According to you, if I cut your budget the world will abruptly stop spinning and we'll be flung into space." Tina: "Whereas, the risk of cutting Dilbert's project is '...a plage of locusts o'er the land.'" "I'll cut both projects. With any luck, we'll fling the locusts into space." Wally: "Locusts. Real good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bumper sticker, #cops are wuses, #house, #staff meeting, #tasteless hovel, #dilberts home

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The staff meeting at Dilbert's house ends Wally: I guess we're done abusing your tasteless hovel. Ted: It was somewhat dim witted of you to invite us to your house . Lets do it again real soon. Dogbert: I wondered if Id ever get to use my "cops are wusses" bumper stickers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no work, #invented code, #accounting systems, #mid 80s, #undocumented spaghetti logic, #holy grail, #technology

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Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."