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The Boss sits at his desk and says, "Alice, I noticed you gave birth by the Xerox machine this morning . . ." The Boss continues, "We don't have a maternity leave policy here, but if you need some time, I'm sure we can find somebody less fertile to fill your job." Alice replies, "Thank you, sir, but I don't expect any special treatment." Alice is breast feeding a baby under her shirt.
Alice, Dilbert and a man sit at a table eating lunch. Alice is holding a baby in her arms. The Boss enters and says, "Alice, I've been thinking . . . Since your baby was born in the office, have you considered naming it after your boss?" Alice replies, "As a matter of fact, I DID name him after you." As the Boss walks away, Alice says, "Want some more milk, 'Butt Head?'"
Wally says to Dilbert, "I see it's your turn to work with Floyd." Dilbert replies, "Yeah." Wally says, "He lived on my back for a year, sharing my successes without contributing." Wally says, "I had him lanced." Wally asks, "Does it leave a big hickey?"
Dilbert holds a device and says to Dogbert, "I invented an auto-petter machine for you." Dilbert straps the machine to Dogbert's back. The auto-petter has a hand that rests on Dogbert's head. Dogbert says, "This is perhaps your dumbest idea ever." Dilbert starts the device and kneels on the floor in front of Dogbert. Dilbert says, "You like it. Admit it." Dogbert says, "Leave us alone."
Ratbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dogbert says, "I thought you were my friend, Ratbert. Why did you tip off the authorities about my insider stock trading?" Ratbert replies, "I was afraid that if you kept the money you would leave and I'd never see you again." Dogbert says, "Really? Gee . . ." Dogbert asks, "Did they give you a reward?" Ratbert replies, "Yeah, I'm outta here!"
Dogbert sits at a desk. Dilbert says, "Well, there you are, working on your little newsletter for clueless people . . ." Dilbert continues, "You're probably thinking up some clever little fact that the so-called people would never realize on their own." Dilbert reads the monitor and says, "Let me see . . . 'If you are the only one talking then it is a clue that no conversation is occurring and it is time to leave."
Tags #office workers, #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #understand, #sleep, #sleep deprivation, #Food, #starve, #artificial, #deadline, #ergle, #flumg, #muddle brained, #incomprehensible, #division, #manager
The Boss says to Tim, "I understand you've been going without sleep or food for days just to meet some artificial deadline." Tim mumbles incoherently. The Boss continues, "As a result, your work has been muddle-brained and incomprehensible. You leave me no choice, Tim." Wally says to Dilbert, "Tim got promoted to division manager." Dilbert replies, "I wonder if he knows it."
Dogbert, who is holding a stethoscope, says to a room full of people, "Attention, all patients!" Dogbert continues, "I have turbocharged the x-ray machine and aimed it at the waiting room. Everybody close your eyes for five minutes then leave. Your diagnoses will arrive by mail." Dogbert walks away saying, "It was a stroke of genius to schedule all of the hypochondriacs for the same day."
Dilbert and a woman sit at a table. Dilbert says, "I'm not looking for romance. No, I just want to be friends." The woman asks, "That's all? But why?" Dilbert replies, "Because you have a snout like a porpoise." Dilbert arrives at home wearing disheveled clothes and bent glasses. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "When you use reverse psychology, it's best to leave out unflattering references to other mammals."