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The Boss: "Our CEO will be happy to answer any questions." Alice: "Why does the company pay you 40 million dollars a year?" "I ask because it's 400 times more than I make. And I work 70 hours a week." "Do you work 28,000 hours per week?" "Or do you have some sort of special ability that isn't obvious?" CEO: "GRRRRR RRRRR AAAAH-OOGAH!!!" "Golden egg. One every ten minutes." "Good answer."
The Boss is sitting at his desk. Dilbert enters and says, "The power supply in our product overheats." The Boss turns to an employee seated next to him and says, "I think they might burst into flames." The employee approaches a businesswoman and says, "I'm no engineer but obviously it could level a whole city." The businesswoman motions towards a diagram of an explosion that reads, "POW!!" She says to the seated military officer, "The military application is obvious." The military officer asks stoically, "How much do they cost?" The businesswoman answers furtively, "Does 10 million dollars sound like too much?" The military officer raises his fist in protest and exclaims, "For that kind of money I expect a free hammer! And a consulting job when I retire." Dilbert is sitting at his desk in front of his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "If an uninhabited atoll doesn't blow up tomorrow you're in big trouble."
Alice: People used to think it took 10,000 hours of practice to become an expert. But now people think the amount of practice you need depends on your genetic makeup. So you'd be good to go after a million or so hours. Wally: See why I don't bother?
Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.
Dilbert: Hey, look! There's a story on the Internet about your fabulous CEO lifestyle. Here's a picture of your yacht, your penthouse in New York, your palatial estate, and your priceless art. CEO: This really isn't the time. Dilbert: Said the man with the million-dollar watch.
CEO: Our goal is to ship a million units this quarter. Dilbert: Do we have any goals that involve making customers happy? CEO: I'm talking about our goals, not their goals. Boss: Totally different.
Alice: I met with that angel investor at his house and he answered the door pantsless and drunk. So I snapped a few photos with my phone and secured a million-dollar seed investment. Was that wrong? Dilbert: Let's call it a tie.
boss: i'm proud to announce that we've been named "employer of the year." dilbert: how much did that cost? boss: nothing! all we had to do was buy a million dollars' worth of ads. dilbert: did we need those ads? boss: you won't win any awards with that attitude.
Dogbert: I'll manage your portfolio for a standard industry fee of 1% per year. Wally: I'm investing a billion dollars. Your fee would be $10 million per year. Dogbert: Those index funds aren't going to pick themselves.
Dilbert: Our competitor just bought ten million copies of our software. Boss: Huh? Dilbert: They plan to give it away for free to entice people to buy their own product that has more features. We'll be part of their freemium strategy. Boss: That's just showing off.