Search Results for "some countries"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #agreements, #deals, #existence, #empire, #seem larger, #paycheck, #fair plan, #awful world, #balckmail, #boss, #employee

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: IF you agree to give me no work, I will agree to not sue you with some sort of bogus employee claim. My existence will make your empire seem larger, and stockholders will get stuck with the bill for my paycheck. Boss: Why does that seem like a fair plan? Wally: We live in an awful world.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #correlations, #predicted outcomes, #problem, #enormous ceo compensation, #myth, #control over profits, #awkward, #trap door, #ceo trick, #violent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I did a study of our past business plans and found something. There's no correlation between our predicted and actual outcomes. That might be a problem for you. Your enormous CEO compensation is based on the myth that you have some control over our profitability. CEO: Ha! Dilbert: Ha! CEO: Is it just me or is this awkward? Dilbert: No, I'm feeling it too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2012's comic on:


Tags #editors, #document, #bad edits, #wrong religion, #fool

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I made some edits to your document. Dilbert: These edits are so bad that my only choices are to send it out and make a fool of myself or insult your alleged intelligence. Coworker: Please let it be the first choice. Dilbert: I hope you didn't pick the wrong religion too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2012's comic on:


Tags #bury, #top secret, #proprietary, #documents, #woods, #shovel, #tied up, #mumble

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to bury some top secret proprietary documents in the woods for me. Man: Mmm mmph. Boss: Come back in ten minutes.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #booth, #brochure, #exhibitions, #exhibitor expenses, #expenses, #huge crowds, #last 11 years, #logo sign, #new customers, #popular booth, #spillover, #steal chair, #trade show, #video of incident, #youtube

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How did we do at the trade show? Dilbert: We had a huge crowd around our booth the entire time. But it was just the spillover from the popular booth next to us. The only person who asked for our brochure used it to kill a spider. Some guy tried to steal our extra chair and then Alice beat him senseless with our logo sign. A video of the incident is already on YouTube. It cost us $200,000 to be an exhibitor and we gained zero new customers. So it was just like the last eleven years. Boss: I feel good about next year!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #boss, #telling how to do job, #priorities, #reports, #email, #suggestions

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop telling Tina how to do her job. You're not her boss. Dilbert: I was just helping out because her boss has his priorities all backward. Boss: She reports to me. Dilbert: I'll email your boss some suggestions for fixing you.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #embarrass your compnay, #etiquette & ethics, #local debauchery, #personal behavior, #pollute ground water, #pollution, #reflect poorly, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Where can I go to enjoy some of the local debauchery? Elbonian: Aren't you worried that your personal behavior will reflect poorly on your company? Wally: How can I embarrass a company that plans to pollute your groundwater? Elbonian: Say what? Wally in Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 22, 2012's comic on:


Tags #universities & colleges, #cost analysis, #data centers, #good investment, #college, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Do a cost analysis for consolidating our data centers. No matter what the data says, make sure your conclusion is that it's a good investment. Dilbert: Remind me why I went to college. Boss: Some liar probably convinced you it was a good investment.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2012's comic on:


Tags #jerk, #office workers, #unreliable, #experinced, #hound, #management

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I'll get that information to you by Tuesday. Dilbert: You seem reliable. I'll schedule some time on Wednesday to hound you, and more time on Friday to escalate to your boss. Coworker: Are you trying to be a jerk? Dilbert: I'm experienced. It looks exactly the same.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1989's comic on:


Tags #name, #names, #ruler

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Phil, "Gee, if you're the ruler of 'Heck' you must have some kind of awesome name." Phil replies, "Yeah." Dilbert asks, "Well, what is it? Something like 'King of Evil' or 'Lord of Darkness?'" Phil replies, "You can call me Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light."