Stealth Business Suit Comic Strips - Page 8

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Stealth Business Suit

View 71 - 80 results for stealth business suit comic strips. Discover the best "Stealth Business Suit" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #focus core bsuiness, #core business change, #misdirected failure, #car gets flat, #rotate tires, #drive home

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to the Boss, "I don't understand how the new reorganization will help us 'focus on our core business.'" Wally continues, "Did our core business change? Or are you saying that EVERY reorg prior to this was a misdirected failure?" The Boss asks hypothetically, "Wally, when a car gets a flat tire, what do you do?" Wally answers, "Well, if I'm you, I rotate the tires and drive home."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plans fail, #realistic goal, #manage spectacular failures, #promoted first, #most cycnical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Most business plans fail. Obviously, success is not a realistic goal." Dogbert continues, "But the people who manage the most spectacular failures get promoted first because of their experience." Dilbert says, "That is the most cynical thing I've ever heard in my life!" Dogbert replies, "Thanks. I'm blushing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product idea, #quit, #start business, #run new company, #cucbilces, #immoral, #people already in hell

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Wally, "If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!" Wally responds, "Why quit? We can run our new company from our cubicles and get paid too." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be immoral?" Wally says, "That's only an issue for people who aren't already in hell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plan, #start up, #provide venture capital, #lost of media, #afraid of dogs, #media hype, #greeting investors, #prospectus

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert, Dilbert and Wally sit at a table. Dogbert says, "The business plan for your start-up is idiotic but I'm going to provide the venture capital funding anyway." Dogbert continues, "We'll generate lots of media hype, go public and make millions by shafting greedy and ignorant investors." Dogbert continues, "The Latin word for 'close your eyes and open your mouth' is 'prospectus.'" Wally says, "This is exactly why I'm afraid of dogs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing plan, #comments, #obvious generalities, #wishful thinking, #business value, #glamour career

View Transcript

Transcript

An employee from marketing, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The woman says, "And that's the marketing plan. Any comments?" Dilbert says, "It appears to be a bunch of obvious generalities and wishful thinking with no apparent business value." The woman thinks, "Marketing didn't turn out to be the glamour career I expected." Wally shows his copy of the plan to Dilbert and says, "I circled all the words you won't find in any dictionary."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #another banner week, #accomplishements, #streamlined, #business process, #valuing diversity, #mandatory training vidoes, #lost free will

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another banner week of accomplishments!" Wally continues, "I streamlined my business processes while honing my participatory style and my proactive attitude, all while valuing diversity!" The Boss asks, "You watched the mandatory training videos?" Wally adds, "And I lost my free will!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #class action law suit, #due diligence, #good employees, #merger, #projects are doomed, #secrets, #worth something

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hit glass ceiling, #play the game, #promote you, #dresses like boss, #suit, #pointy haired

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice and Wally sit at a table eating lunch. Alice says, "I've hit the glass ceiling. I'll never be promoted again." Wally replies, "That's because you're not willing to 'play the game.' You have to look and act like the person who can promote you." In order to look like the Boss, Alice shapes her hair into two points, puts on a suit and stuffs a pillow under her shirt. The Boss sees her and thinks, "Ooo la la!" Alice thinks, "This had better work."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #network adminsitrator, #routers, #block employees, #websites, #program routers, #useless activities, #business plan

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #abandon startegy, #making good products, #ours strategy mergers, #business spin offs, #random reorgozations, #accelerate, #stock price, #fruitless partnerships

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss reads a document and tells Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "The company announced that we will 'abandon our strategy of making good products . . .'" The Boss continues, "From now on we'll 'pursue a desperate strategy of mergers, business spin-offs, fruitless partnerships and random reorganizations.'" The Boss reads, "And we'll accelerate our program of paying the good employees to leave." Dilbert asks Wally, "Stock price?" Wally looks at his monitor and replies, "Up three points."