Stop Giving Comic Strips - Page 8
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539 Results for Stop Giving
View 71 - 80 results for stop giving comic strips. Discover the best "Stop Giving" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 11,
2012
Tags #conversation, #embarrassment, #news letter, #leadership, #sound stupid
Transcript
Boss: Good news: I signed up to receive a free leadership newsletter by email. I know it's good because it's written by some guy who used to have a job. Stop making everything I say sound stupid!
Thursday January 26,
2012
Tags #cruelty, #destructive criticism, #dumb, #employees, #team, #hired, #meeting, #business
Transcript
Boss: I'd like to begin the meeting by giving Dilbert some destructive criticism. Everything you do is dumb. I don't know why I hired you. I feel much more motivated now. If you feel a little bit worse, we came out ahead as a team.
Saturday January 28,
2012
Tags #absent mindedness, #machinery, #build robots, #wait a week, #forgets
Transcript
CEO: Stop everything you're doing and build robots. Dilbert: Let's wait a week and see if he forgets. Boss: Does that work? Alice: It works with you.
Wednesday February 29,
2012
Tags #internet & world wide web, #quick question, #only on line, #slapping, #less risk, #dumb thing
Transcript
Tina: Wally, I have a quick question. Wally: Hold it. Stop right there. I only collaborate online, where there's less risk of some angry nut job slapping me. Tina: That's the dumbest thing... Wally: Gaaa!
Friday April 06,
2012
Tags #bears, #happiness, #compares, #raise, #working, #people attacked, #bear attacked, #psychology
Transcript
Boss: Studies say your happiness depends on how well your life compares to others. So instead of giving you a raise, I'm going to show you pictures of people who were attacked by bears. Do you feel better now? Dilbert: Dang you to heck, this is working!
Thursday April 12,
2012
Tags #consolidating, #marketing, #illusion, #golf, #ceo, #money, #shared services, #Sports, #business
Transcript
Boss: We're consolidating our marketing into a shared services model. Asok: Why? Boss: Change creates the illusion that we have a strategy while giving our CEO an excuse to fire a VP who beat him at golf. And blah, blah, something about money. Asok: Must... not... cry... on the outside.
Thursday June 07,
2012
Tags #boss, #telling how to do job, #priorities, #reports, #email, #suggestions
Transcript
Boss: Stop telling Tina how to do her job. You're not her boss. Dilbert: I was just helping out because her boss has his priorities all backward. Boss: She reports to me. Dilbert: I'll email your boss some suggestions for fixing you.
Sunday July 08,
2012
Tags #brainstorm, #discussion, #less effective, #meetings, #new product ideas, #stem cell technology
Transcript
Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.
Monday May 01,
1989
Transcript
Phil the Ruler of Heck reads a list and says, "Oh good, the last stop of the day." Phil stands in front of Dilbert's mailbox. As Dilbert reaches into the refrigerator Phil pokes him in the back with his spoon. Phil says, "Freeze, mortal! Let me see the expiration date on that milk!" Dilbert says, "I can go to hell for drinking old milk?!" Phil replies, "Nah, I'm from 'Heck.' We handle the little stuff."
Wednesday November 08,
1989
Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #talking, #world hunger, #policies, #bumper sticker, #debate
Transcript
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I've decided it's time to stop talking about world hunger and start DOING something!" Dilbert continues, "Let others debate policies. My time to act is now." Dogbert asks, "You're going to buy a smarmy bumper sticker, aren't you?" Dilbert replies, "Darn straight."