Three Readers Comic Strips - Page 8
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Dilbert and Dogbert, who is wearing a magician's hat, sit on pillows with a glass ball between them. Dilbert says, "I don't understand how you can become a certified swami by mail in three weeks." Dogbert replies, "Oh, I'm just a trainee." Dogbert continues, "In the beginning you just keep it general, to build the trust of your clientelle." Dogbert looks into the glass ball and predicts, "Eventually, you will die . . ."
Dilbert and three people sit at a conference table. A man asks, "Well, Dilbert, will our idea work from a technical perspective?" Dilbert thinks, "I wasn't listening . . . Now I'll have to babble about irrelevant technical things until they lose consciousness." The people are all asleep. Dilbert says, "And in conclusion, never underestimate the power of technology."
The caption says, "Dogbert performs a scientific test of so-called 'women's intuition.'" Dogbert and a woman sit at a table. Dogbert says, "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten." The woman says, "5.1362894 . . . No, I'll say three." Dogbert says, "Wrong! The answer is 5.1362894 . . . I'm beginning to wonder if you're really a woman."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch looking through a photo album. Dilbert says, "Here's a picture of my uncle just before he was drafted. He was awarded eleven purple hearts." Dogbert asks, "He was wounded eleven times?!" Dilbert replies, "Uncle William insisted that his friends call him 'Will' . . ." Three soldiers kneel in a trench. A commanding officer yells, "Okay, men, fire at will!!" and the other soldiers look at Will.
The panel says, "Note: Some new readers of this strip may be confused by the presence of a character who looks very much like a potato. The following comparison should clear things up:" A caption pointing to a drawing of Dilbert the Frog says, "Dilbert (turned into a frog and disguised as Prince Charles)." A caption points to a potato. The panel says, "A handy rule for telling which one is a potato is to look for the presence of glasses. Although potatoes do have eyes, they are know to be vain and generally prefer contact lenses. Keep this reference guide with you."
The caption says, "The three stages of grief; denial." Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "No . . . Dilbert can't be dead." The caption says, "Anger." Dogbert stands on his pillow and thinks, "I'll kill the scum who did it!" The caption says, "Economics." Dogbert says into the phone, "No expensive caskets. Just wrap him in newspapers; he would have wanted it that way."
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three people from marketing. A woman says, "Maybe Dilbert can explain to the marketing people how the system works." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh." Dilbert says, "Uh . . . So the electrons alter the data bits . . . And then they go to the virtual array where they conflugalize. Got it?" The woman asks, "How many of those words did you just make up?" Dilbert thinks, "They're on to me."
Dilbert and three men sit at a table eating lunch. A man says, "Yeah, I once built an FM transmitter from old television parts . . ." Another man says, "That's nothing . . . I built a broadband multiplexer from tuna cans and a lamp." Dilbert says, ". . . My first orbiting space station was made entirely from old socks and Vaseline." Dilbert thinks, "I hate going last."
The caption says, "Second day: Dogbert's School for Self-Service Gas Station Attendants." Dogbert says, "You must learn to relax . . ." Dogbert continues, "I want you to clear your minds of all thoughts." The three students sit limply in their chairs with blank looks on their faces. Dogbert thinks, "That was too easy."
Dilbert sits at a conference table with three people and thinks, "Uh-oh . . . sneeze coming." Dilbert sneezes violently. Dilbert's sneeze blew the toupee off the man next to him and knocked a woman out of her seat. Dilbert thinks, "I can pretend that didn't happen, or change my name and leave town."