Total Sociopath Comic Strips - Page 8
Search Filters
Year
- 2022
- 2021
- 2020
- 2019
- 2018
- 2017
- 2016
- 2015
- 2014
- 2013
- 2012
- 2011
- 2010
- 2009
- 2008
- 2007
- 2006
- 2005
- 2004
- 2003
- 2002
- 2001
- 2000
- 1999
- 1998
- 1997
- 1996
- 1995
- 1994
- 1993
- 1992
- 1991
- 1990
- 1989
Character
87 Results for Total Sociopath
View 71 - 80 results for total sociopath comic strips. Discover the best "Total Sociopath" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 15,
2016
Tags #expectations, #unrealistic, #project, #group, #laziness, #prediction
Transcript
Boss: When do you expect to finish your project? Dilbert: Never. Boss: That's your plan? Dilbert: No, my plan is to be done in a week. You asked me what I expect. I base my expectations on the quality of people you assigned to my project without asking my opinion. The time-wasters outnumber the productive people on the team by three to one. Under that scenario, plus your total lack of leadership, the world will end before this project does. Boss: Then why is your plan to be done in a week? Dilbert: Because you don't like it when I tell the truth. Boss: Let's compromise on two weeks. Dilbert: Can we set those two weeks on auto-renew?
Monday August 22,
2016
Wally's Inappropriate Attire
Tags #dress code, #outfit, #crop top, #deception, #ploy, #trick, #telecommuting, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Boss: That is inappropriate office attire! Go home and work remotely for the rest of the day. Dilbert: How'd it work out? Wally: Phase one was a total success. Phase two involves napping.
Saturday August 27,
2016
Phil From Heck And The Speakerphone
Tags #annoying, #foibles, #pet peeve, #habit, #office, #cubicle
Transcript
Phil, The Prince Of Insufficient Light. Phil: I have a report that you use your speakerphone in a cubicle environment. Alice: In my defense, I only do it because of my total disregard for others. Phil: Sounds fair. That's why I do it too. Alice: Take your spoon and leave.
Thursday September 29,
2016
Bribing Wally
Tags #bribe, #morals, #laziness, #work ethic
Transcript
Wally: I don't have time to help. Coworker: What if I bribe you to do your job? I am literally offering to give you my personal money to do the job your employer pays you to do. Wally: Are you willing to turn a blind eye to my total lack of effort, or should I find a better briber?
Monday December 12,
2016
Cartoonist Says Something Bad On Social Media Real
Tags #engineers, #sociopath, #pathology, #hit man, #murder, #killing, #morals, #emotions
Transcript
CEO: The famous cartoonist we hired to be our spokesperson said something bad on social media. Boss: Oh no. How bad is it? CEO: Our board voted to kill him. Do you know any sociopaths? Boss: I'm head of Engineering. CEO: Good point. Pick any one of them.
Friday March 10,
2017
Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar
Tags #politeness, #conversation, #etiquette, #efficiency, #illogical
Transcript
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's Corporate Politeness Seminar. Today you will learn how to sacrifice your productivity and your happiness for the sake of ancient traditions grounded in total nonsense.Voice: Why would we want to do that? Dogbert: Please hold your impolite questions until never.
Friday March 31,
2017
Attend A Meeting In My Place
Tags #meeting, #frivolous, #stand-in, #time management, #business
Transcript
Boss: I need you to attend a meeting in my place. I agreed to the meeting before I realized it would be a total waste of time. Dilbert: This could not be worse. Boss: I might have volunteered to write up the meeting notes.
Monday June 19,
2017
Dilbert's Project Is In Chaos
Tags #accusation, #hearsay, #conjecture, #gullible
Transcript
Man: I hear Dilbert's project is in total chaos. Boss: That has to be true because I heard it from three other people. Man: And that's why I told three other people.
Friday August 25,
2017
500 Pages Would Be Rubbish
Tags #writing, #criticism, #technical writer, #warning, #caution, #safety
Transcript
Boss: You need to edit the product warning from seven hundred pages down to one. Tina: Oh, that's rich. I'ma professional technical writer, and you're telling me how to write? Boss: Can you cut it down to 500 pages? Tina: Sure, if you want it to be total rubbish.
Friday January 26,
2018
Asok Is A Narcissist Too
Tags #situation, #too dumb, #narcissist, #Right, #wrong
Transcript
Ted: Dilbert is a total narcissist, He refuses to admit when he'swrong. Asok: How would the situation look any different to you if he's actually right most of the time and you're too dumb to know it? Ted: I don't understand your point. Asok: According to your that makes me a narcissist.