Search Results for "training expenses"
Share September 05, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Mouse training. The instructor asks the class, "Who wants to share an opinion on why mouse training is important?" Wally raises his hand enthusiastically and says, "Ooh-ooh! Pick me!" The instructor says, "Yes, Wally." Wally responds, "No one?"
Share September 12, 2002's comic on:
The Boss is standing naked, in a barrel. He says to Carol, "To remind us all of our need to reduce expenses, the new dress code is barrels." The Boss continues, "Except for Friday, which will be casual barrel day." Wally, The Boss, and Dilbert are sitting with their arms up and barrels hiding their heads. Dilbert says, "Has anyone else noticed that the barrel rides up with you sit?"
Share April 19, 2003's comic on:
The Boss is meeting with an employee. The Boss says, "So Ted has been training you for the past six months." The Boss continues, "Based on your work, I'd say he's playing the world's longest practical joke on you." The employee is visibly angry. He approached Ted. Ted says, "Sometimes there's a fine line between criminally abusive behavior and fun."
Share July 22, 2003's comic on:
"You're the only one who hasn't finished the mandatory online six sigma training." "I finished it, but the system crashed before it stored my data." "This is when you say, 'There's no need to retake the training. I'll just check off your name.'" "Are you new on this planet?"
Share October 13, 2003's comic on:
The Boss: "The vendor is sending their best negotiator." "You must use all of your engineering training to resist her tricks and look only at the facts." woman: "And if you agree to infinite liability, you get a .00001% chance of dating me. Plus a minute to play with an unidentified gizmo."
Share October 20, 2003's comic on:
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."
Share November 20, 2003's comic on:
Dilbert: I desperately need to take this training. The Boss: we can't spare you. Send wally and have him tell you what he learned. Dilbert: Im awed by the sheer artistry of your mismanagement skills. The Boss: Thank you.
Share December 12, 2003's comic on:
Product Training. Man: You work for a company that takes pride in its product line. Only half of our users experience painful boils. We call that group the "relatively satisfied customers. what the?!
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Share May 12, 2004's comic on:
The non-credible guy "Did you get approval for these expenses?" "What? Oh, yes, I did." "Why does everything you say sound suspicious?" "Because I just had a heart transplant." "I'd like to see a note from your surgeon." "He's illiterate."