Transfer Mode Technology Comic Strips - Page 8
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Caption reads: "The Technology Demo." Dilbert explains to the Boss and to Ted as they are reviewing the demo: "The software isn't 100% complete." Pointing at the monitor screen, Dilbert continues to explain: "If it had a user interface you would see something here...here...and sometimes here." He concludes: "And then you'd be saying, 'I gotta get me some of that.' Any questions?"
The Boss says to Dilbert while sitting at his desk, "Take this to the technology Buddha for enlightenment." Dilbert thinks to himself upon entering the Buddha's office and seeing him with his eyes closed and both hands on the desk, "He's busy meditating." Dilbert goes and stands next to the Buddha's chair all the while thinking to himself, "He must be very wise." The Buddha thinks to himself with both eyes shut, "Huge bowl of vanilla ice cream."
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need to take a class to learn the new technology." The Boss replies, "Our vendor's sales person will teach you everything he knows." The sales person begins explaining to Dilbert, who sits taking notes. "You only need 'three moist towelettes' to give yourself a sponge bath."
The caption reads: "CEO as Spokesperson." The CEO is seen leaning over a chair seductively with her hair tossed to one side. Dogbert stands behind the camera and she asks, "What does this pose have to do with our product?" Dogbert answers, "I'll use blue screen technology to add important elements later." The CEO says, "My blouse is blue." A voluptuous woman stands in towel behind Dogbert. Dogbert turns to her and says, "Five minutes."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "We have a gigantic database full of customer behavior information." Dilbert says, "Excellent. We can use non-linear math and data mining technology to optimize our retail channels!" The Boss says to Dilbert, "If that's the same thing as spam, we're having a good meeting here."
The Boss says to Wally and Dilbert, "We outsourced our sales and fulfillment functions to an Elbonian company." Wally looks at Dilbert as Dilbert asks, "Um... Are you sure that's the best way to sell complex technology?" Three Elbonians and a pig each are holding a tin can with string to their ears. One Elbonian says, "Could you call back? We have a bad string."
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I want to move you to another cubicle but my office moving budget is shot." The Boss continues, "So I'm going to transfer you to Elbonia and then back so I can use the relocation budget." An Elbonian is on the phone. He relays a message to Dilbert: "He says the relocation budget is shot but you can mail yourself home."
Dilbert says to The Boss, "Please, I beg you. Transfer me back to engineering." Dilbert continues, "I'll take a pay cut. No, I'll work for free. No, I'll pay YOU." Dilbert is shining The Boss' shoes. The Boss says, "I should make all of my engineers work in sales for a while. You come back more appreciative."
Wally asks Asok, "Have you completed your skills inventory?" Asok responds, "I'm submitting it now." Wally says, "They use that information to transfer you to jobs you don't want." Wally continues, "You'll be okay as long as you didn't check any of the boxes in the hazmat section." Asok clenches his fists and says, "Stupid stupid stupid."
The Boss says to Alice and Dilbert, "Let's ping the director of marketing and double-click on the budget." The Boss continues, "Then we can interface in batch mode and put a scope on his bandwidth." Alice cringes and exclaims, "Please stop doing that!" The Boss adds, "Have I mentioned that I was an engineer for a week?"