Two Comic Strips - Page 8
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574 Results for Two
View 71 - 80 results for two comic strips. Discover the best "Two" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday December 06,
2002
Tags #teds job, #two jobs forever, #verbal praise, #down the road, #future, #manipulation, #until hire
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I need you to do Ted's job and your own job until we hire someone." Dilbert responds, "If I do well, you'll make me do two jobs forever. If I do poorly, I'll get no raise." The Boss replies, "I can't promise anything, but there might be some verbal praise down the road."
Monday December 16,
2002
Tags #health, #life expectency, #current workload, #two peoples jobs, #six months, #five months, #shop, #Card
Transcript
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. He points to the screen and says to Dogbert, "I calculated the impact of work on my health and life expectancy." Dilbert continues, "At my current workload, doing two people's jobs, I have... six months to live." Dogbert responds, "Remind me in five and a half months so I can shop for a card."
Friday December 27,
2002
Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen
Transcript
Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."
Saturday May 24,
2003
Tags #focus on execution, #excuse poepl, #look like accident, #two hours long, #meetings
Transcript
The Boss' boss shakes his finger at The Boss and says, "You've got to focus on execution!" The Boss is puzzled. The Boss says to Catbert, "I think he wants me to execute people." Catbert responds, "Make it look like an accident." The Boss announces at a meeting, "From now on, my staff meetings will be two hours long." Alice and Wally sob.
Friday July 04,
2003
Tags #alice, #cell phone, #every two minutes, #flushable, #owner wonders where, #technology
Transcript
Alice is sitting in her cubicle. On the other side of the wall, a cell phone makes the noises, "Beep-beep-a-beep-beep-a-beep." Alice thinks, "Every two minutes." Alice looks into the next cubicle and and clenches her teeth at the cell phone lying there. A coworker approaches Alice and asks, "Have you seen my cell phone?" Alice responds, "Was it metallic, noisy and flushable?"
Saturday August 09,
2003
Tags #two hour presentation, #incomprehensible, #powre point, #disability, #content
Transcript
"That concludes my two-hour presentation. Any questions?" "Did you intend the presentation to be incomprehenisble, or do you have some sort of rare 'powerpoint' disability." "Are there any questions about the content?" "There was content?"
Thursday September 18,
2003
Tags #actual question, #delivery, #fantasize, #imaginary one, #plastic casing, #ripping moustache, #two week
Transcript
Dilbert: Did you order the plastic casings I need? They take two weeks for delivery. DIlbert: I see that you've cleverly avoided my actual question in favor of an imaginary one involving delivery times. Now Im fantasizing about ripping off your mustache and using it to shine your head. I hear that a lot.
Sunday June 06,
1999
Tags #email two copies, #fax, #green paper, #email, #files, #hard copy, #internet, #motivation gone, #losing consciousness, #lazy employees, #technology
Transcript
Dilbert stands at the boss' desk. The boss says, "e-mail two copies to me when you're done." Dilbert says, "Two copies? It's e0mail." The boss says, "So?" Dilbert says, "Never mind. I'll e-mail two copies." The boss says, "and fax a copy in green paper for my files." Dilbert says, "Green? It's a fax!" The boss walks Dilbert out of his office and says, "And bring me a hard copy of the internet so I can do some serious surfing." Dilbert begins to faint in the doorway. Dilbert thinks, "Motivation.... gonve.. losing consciousness.." Dilber joins the pile of passed out employess by the boss' door. The boss thinks, "How did I end up with all the lazy employees?"
Wednesday January 08,
2003
Tags #alice, #mulitask, #one person, #schedule, #second task, #two task, #write a patch, #timeline
Transcript
The Boss: How do I make this software schedule one persons to two task at the same time? I can write a patch that inserts new months in the timeline. The Boss: and the second task is due on the fifteenth of Floopuary.
Wednesday June 29,
2005
Tags #losing empathy, #ceo two days, #decorating office, #more important, #healthcare, #varnished desk
Transcript
"Ratbert the CEO "I've only been CEO for two days and already I"m losing my empathy." "For example, I'm pretty sure that decorating my office is more important than your healthcare." "Which reminds me I plan to have varnished and used as my desk."