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View 71 - 80 results for wats inside comic strips. Discover the best "Wats Inside" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #slight promotion, #pay same, #cucblice larger, #shaving the walls

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The Boss: "Asok, I decided to give you a slight promotion!" Asok: "Gasp! A slight promotion!" The Boss: "The pay will be the same but you can make your cubicle slighlty larger by shaving the ragged fabric on the inside walls." "Your new title is spelled just like the old one but it's pronounced totally differently." "ZZZZZ"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #failed ceo, #worth 100 million, #all reverse, #head in glass, #successful engineer, #kind of funny

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RAtbert: You're a successful engineer and I'm a failed CEO. It's kind of funny that I'm worth $100 million and you're not. " It's funny because it's all reverse of how it should be." Dilbert: "It's funny because your head wouldn't normally fit inside a glass."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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I found a family of squirrels living inside our legacy system. "They control our payroll database. They're making demands." "Leave the acorns and no one will get their deductions increased."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #apathy, #computer programmers, #preventer of information, #business case, #teamwork seminar, #goldfish crackers

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Mordac: I, Mordac, the preventer of information services, reject your business case because you used the old template. Ha ha ha! I feed on your anger and frustration! And now I will eat like a king! Dilbert: Good luck with that. I've been dead on the inside since the teamwork seminar. Mordac: Sheesh. I'm living on goldfish crackers.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #functioned as incubator, #innovations, #contributions, #incubating brains

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Wally: this week I functioned as an incubator of innovations for contributions to the value chain. To the observer, it looks as if I am doing nothing, but on the inside, I am incubating my brains out. The Boss: It doesn't count unless it hurts. Wally: It hurts plenty.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #server, #project, #virtualization, #rates, #online, #trouble ticket, #scam, #inside job

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Dogbert: The server virtualization project is done, and there are no trouble tickets. My rates might seem steep, but remember, there are no trouble tickets. Dilbert: Our online trouble ticket system is broken."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #depressed, #cubicle, #take off jacket, #sit at computer, #powerpoint slides, #happy, #devil, #giant spoon, #prince of insufficient light

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Dilbert says, "What fantasy will I use today to stave off madness?" Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll be 'the man who changed an industry with his powerpoint slides.'" Phil says, "I have a report of unauthorized happiness inside of a head."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer, #work, #progress, #software, #annoyed, #grit teeth, #drink coffee, #inspiration, #machine, #technology, #engineering

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The Boss says, "Wally, have you made any progress coding your module?" Wally says, "Progress is difficult to measure in the software realm." Wally says, "You could measure the lines of code I produce, but that would reward inefficiency." Wally says, "The art of this job is binding the rare moments of inspiration to knowledge and machines." Wally says, "In fact, just a minute ago I could feel the inspiration welling up inside me." Wally says, "But then you interrupted me with your naive question and the moment was lost." Wally says, "Maybe you should go back to your office and reflect on the damage you've done here today." Wally thinks, "There goes the one person who has less of a real job than I do."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #engineering manager, #graphic artist, #graphics guy upset, #logo, #mocks him, #puts down idea, #thinks idea, #threatned, #graphics dept.

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The Boss: Its totally Brilliant. Boss: I must show this to our creative department. I designed a new logo for the company, see what you can do with it. Graphics Artist: well, well, well an engineering manager becomes and artist. Apparently I wasted my time getting an masters degree in graphic arts and design. AlI I needed was a dull pencil and scrap of paper. Art is not that easy, you arrogant pile of perfectly symmetrical crud!! The Boss: what if the logo is inside a rectangle? Artist: SOB

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #excitement, #flattery, #respect, #companys success

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Customer Meeting CEO: The secret of our company's success is that we hire good people. Dilbert: What? Are you saying I'm good? I've never heard a compliment at work. What is that feeling inside me? Is it the thing called self-esteem? Customer: Awkward. CEO: Just ignore him. Dilbert: Behold my goodness!