Web Hits Comic Strips - Page 8
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Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert stands on the monitor. Ratbert says, "I figured that you would respect me more if I had some sort of talent." Ratbert says, "So I taught myself to sing Barry Manilow's greatest hits while slapping my head rhythmically." Ratbert sings, "A-a-at the Copa (slap) ow! Copa Cabana (slap) ow!" Dilbert says, "I'm actually enjoying this and it deeply disturbs me."
The Boss: "Dilbert, I'm sending you to 'diversity sensitivity' training." "Alice doesn't have to go because chicks are born already knowing this stuff. It's as natural as shopping and crying." Dilbert: "Can I get a 'Midol' for either one of you?" "Whump whump whump"
The Boss says to Dilbert, "I've decided to manage by physical intimidation. If somebody says something stupid I'll just smack them." Dilbert says, "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard." The Boss hits himself in the head. Dilbert thinks, "On the other hand, maybe I should give it a chance."
The caption, an entry from Dilbert's daily log, reads, "Day three of telecommuting: I spend the morning throwing my pen in the air." Dilbert sits at his desk at home dressed in a bathrobe and looking unshaven. He tosses a pen into the air. The pen falls and hits Dilbert in the head, causing him to lose his balance and fall off the chair. The caption reads, "The afternoon is spent in silent appreciation of how much better this is than being in the office." Dilbert lies on the floor with his feet on the desk chair and thinks, "Ahh."
Dilbert and his mother sit on the couch. Dilbert shows his mother a document and says, "My company asked all employees to act as salespeople to friends and family. I think you could use this, Mom." Dilbert's mother says, "Why would I need a primary rate circuit? I've already got a frame relay drop to my web server in the sewing room." Dilbert thinks, "This is going to be a tough sale." Dilbert's mother says, "Hello-o-o! Earth to Dilbert! This is packet data . . ."
Dilbert stands at a desk and Dogbert sits next to a telescope. Dilbert says, "According to my calculations, the asteroid 'Sagnorpt' will collide with earth in 2.3 minutes." Dogbert covers his eyes and screams, "We're all gonna die!" Dogbert hugs Dilbert's legs and shouts, "I'm sorry about all of those bad things I've done to you!" Dogbert cries, "I renounce my evil ways! I dedicate the remaining minute of my life to the poor!!" Dogbert says, "Waitta minute . . . Why aren't you groveling for salvation?" Dilbert replies, "The asteroid is only the size of a golf ball." There's a large crash. Dilbert lies on the floor after the asteroid hits him on the head. Dogbert says, "I probably shouldn't try to read too much into this."
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's World of the Unexplained." Dogbert says, "I am at the farm of Kay and Clem Bovinski . . ." Dogbert walks up the front steps and continues, ". . . The location of unexplained phenomena." The caption says, "(Deep voice) The disturbances have lasted 40 years." The Bovinskis sit on their couch. Kay says, "Objects move all by themselves. Sometimes they hit Clem." Clem says, "I reckon it's poltergeist, no other explanation makes sense." A lamp hits Clem on the head. Clem lies on the floor and Kay sits on the couch looking suspicious. Dogbert says, "Cut."
Dogbert sits on a desk. The Boss asks, "Can you program the routers to block employees from all fun Web sites?" Dogbert replies, "Why stop there? I can program the routers to block ALL useless activities." The Boss asks, "How long will that take?" Dogbert unplugs a cable and says, "Done. I've seen your business plan."
The Boss tells Wally, "After I graduate from 'Quality School' I'll be a quality black-belt master." Wally asks, "Is the title metaphoric, or is there a chance you'll be beaten senseless during a breakout session?" The Boss slices the air with his hands as if he were practicing karate and thinks, "Zip zip zip zip." The Boss hits Wally and knocks him to the floor. Wally asks, "Was that necessary?" The Boss replies, "I'm not sure. I haven't done the pre-course reading yet."
An attendant says to Dilbert, "This taxi is yours. Here's a description of how he'll cheat you." Dilbert sits in the back of the taxi cab and says, "It says you'll be running the meter despite the flat rate. Then you'll feign poor language skills when I question you." The driver looks crazy. Dilbert says, "I can't fault your efficiency, though." The driver hits a bicycle and a pedestrian.