Witty Side Comment Comic Strips - Page 8
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191 Results for Witty Side Comment
View 71 - 80 results for witty side comment comic strips. Discover the best "Witty Side Comment" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday January 25,
1995
Tags #being team leader, #stressful, #no authority, #behavioral study, #plus sude, #pellets, #excelllent
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk clenching his fist. He thinks, "I hate being team leader. It's so stressful." Dilbert continues thinking, "I have reponsibility but no authority. I feel like I'm an animal in some warped behavioral study." He hears a "Ding" coming from behind him. Dilbert turns his chair around and reaches for a dispenser on the wall with a sign above it that says, "Take pellet." He thinks, "On the plus side, the pellets are excellent."
Wednesday June 07,
1995
Tags #dysfunctional team, #admore, #vocalize admiration, #leathery skin, #right from left, #get paid, #admire co workers
Transcript
The Boss, Dogbert, Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit at a round table. Dogbert says, "I'd like everybody to turn to the right and say what you admire about that person." The Boss turns to Alice, who is on his left, and says, "I admire your leathery skin, Alice." Alice responds, "I admire your ability to figure out which side is your RIGHT in only two tries." Dilbert faces Dogbert on his right and says, "I admire your ability to get paid for this." Wally says to Dilbert, "Despite the fact your face scares children, I admire your co-workers."
Saturday June 10,
1995
Tags #increase budget, #training, #leave the company, #more money, #competitor, #down side
Transcript
Wally stands in front of the Boss's desk. Wally demands, "You've got to increase the budget for training!" The Boss responds, "If I train you, then wouldn't you just leave the company to make more money working for our competitor?" Wally says, "I guess there is a downside." The Boss asks, "And the downside would be . . . ?"
Saturday June 17,
1995
Tags #prodcutivity, #moving, #cubcile, #phone, #comaputer, #disconnected, #boxed, #lost, #abandoned pretense, #loser
Transcript
The Boss looks into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "I see signs of productivity here. I'm moving you to another cubicle." The Boss continues, "Your phone and computer will be disconnected for weeks. Your files will be boxed and lost." Dilbert's hair stands on end as he says, "Good Lord, you've abandoned all pretense of being on our side!!" The Boss responds, "Loser."
Tuesday June 20,
1995
Tags #fiance dept, #reduce costs, #short sighted ways, #save money, #job harder, #forget
Transcript
Ratbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I'm from the finance department. I'm here to reduce costs." Ratbert continues, "It might seem like all I do is come up with short-sighted ways to save money while making your job harder. But there's another side to this story." Wally asks, "And that would be . . . ?" Ratbert answers, "I forget."
Friday October 13,
1995
Tags #human resources, #developed policy, #employees who complain, #big hole, #trick whiners, #sand, #detailed explaination, #hole, #business
Transcript
Catbert and the Boss stand on either side of a hole in the floor. Catbert says, "As Director of Human Resources I have developed a policy for handling the employees who complain." Catbert continues, "It's a big hole. I'll trick the whiners into getting in it. And then I'll cover them with sand." The Boss says, "I don't see how this could possibly work." Catbert says, "There's a detailed explanation at the bottom of the hole."
Thursday November 02,
1995
Tags #dotted line, #arch rival, #secret double agent, #captured and executed, #immediate
Transcript
Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk and says, "I heard you got assigned on a 'dotted line' to our boss's arch-rival." Wally sits with his head in his hands and groans. Dilbert continues, "Look on the bright side. Think of yourself as leading the exiting life of a secret double-agent!" Wally asks, "Don't most double-agents get captured and executed immediately?" Dilbert says, "They WISH it was immediate."
Sunday May 13,
1990
Tags #Dilbert, #underpants, #bought, #house, #capitalism, #dinosaur, #case, #case studies, #idiot, #computers
Transcript
The caption says, "Dilbert special! Bob the Dinosaur will rip the underpants off guys we hate!" Bob pulls the underwear off a man. The caption says, "Case #1." A man smoking a pipe and wearing a turtleneck says, ". . . Bought my first house for 75 cents. Sold it a year later for 400,000 dollars . . ." The man screams as Bob pulls his underwear off. Bob says, "Now he drives a 'Beemer.'" The caption says, "Case #2." A man says, "It's a great movie. You'll be surprised when you find out the parakeet is the murderer." The man screams as Bob pulls off his boxer shorts. Bob says, "I love surprises!" The caption says, "Case #3." A car salesman says, "Wait here and I'll try to convince my boss to sell the car at your price." The man screams when Bob pulls off his underwear. Bob says, "He's on your side!" The caption says, "Finally . . ." Dilbert says, "Only an idiot would thing computers are confusing."
Sunday August 12,
1990
Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #engineer, #lightbulb, #jokes, #personal, #steamroller, #equator
Transcript
Dogbert stands behind Dilbert's desk and asks, "Want to hear some engineer jokes?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert says, "How many engineers does it take to change a lightbulb?" Dogbert says, "Six: one to hold the bulb and five to argue about how to rotate it on this side of the equator." Dogbert giggles. Dogbert says, "What's the difference between a fungus and an engineer? A fungus can grow on you . . ." He laughs. Dogbert asks, "What do you call a dog that's been run over by a steamroller?" Dilbert says, "Spot." Dogbert leaves the room and says, "We were having such a good time until he started getting personal."
Sunday July 29,
2012
Tags #bankruptcy, #big data, #bytes of data, #cloud, #consulatants, #evil, #evil company, #greed, #money bag, #pray to money, #servers
Transcript
Boss: Consultants say three quintillion bytes of data are created every day. It comes from everywhere. It knows all. According to the book of Wikipedia, it's name is "Big Data." Big Data lives in the cloud. It knows what we do. In the past, our company did many evil things. But if we accept Big Data in our servers, we will be saved from bankruptcy. Let us pay. Alice: Is it too late to side with evil? Dilbert: Shhh! It hears you.