How To Comic Strips - Page 80
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1000 Results for How To
View 791 - 800 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday September 05,
2003
Tags stalled career, psychological pressure, reach stars, hopeless, burn your hand
Transcript
Asok: "Wally, how do I handle the psychological pressure of a stalled career?" Wally: "Remember that when you reach for the stars, they're too far away, so it's hopeless." Asok: "But sometimes you can reach a star.. can't you?" Wally: "That would burn your hand clean off."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday September 12,
2003
Tags slither away, doomed project, assistant, teach you, manager skin, speaking metaphor
Transcript
Dogbert: "You need to slither away from your doomed project before you get blamed." Dogbert: "My assistant will teach you how to shed your project manager skin." Snake: "Yello!" Skeleton: "Ow! Ow! Ow! How's this so far?" Snake: "Impressive, but we were speaking metaphorically."
Wednesday September 17,
2003
Tags audio lessons, hundred million, showing up, performing ceo, be the person, buy audio lessons
Transcript
Dogbert: Would you like to make a hundred million dollars for just showing up at work? Dogbert: My audio lessons teach you how to become an underperforming CEO. $19.95 Step One: become A CEO> Step Two: Be the sort who would buy these audio lessons.
Friday September 26,
2003
Tags engineer, moved to marketing, lisa, old apple computer, old wife, engineering
Transcript
Man: I was an engineer before I moved to marketing. Now I don't remember how to turn on my lisa, Dilbert: You have an old lisa computer from apple? Man: Old wife.
Tuesday October 14,
2003
Tags hate people, never allowed shoes, Dogbert, hows my walking, dial, 1800
Transcript
"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."
Monday October 20,
2003
Tags guest cartoonist, nildo orbfutz, consulting, welocme, breakroom, on the job training
Transcript
"Who's today's guest cartoonist?" "At great expense, I've just hired Nildo Orbfutz as a consultant. He will increase our productivity hereby calculating how much time is actually wasted!" "Well, Nildo. How did you acquire your credentials? Degree in business management? HR? PR? Psychology?" "On-the-job training." "Let me guess: you've been fired from every job you ever had... for wasting time?" "Welcome to the wonderfuk world of consulting." "Answer: go to Dilbert.com."
Monday November 10,
2003
Tags ted, forward to ted, email, solved problems, project, being rude, remove from project
Transcript
Dilbert: Ted is being rude and helpful. Can you ask his boss to remove him from the project? The Boss: I'll forward this to Ted. That should help. Dilbert: I wonder how people solved problems before email.
Friday November 14,
2003
Tags make changes, skills database, know as guy, avoid work, too much work
Transcript
Tina: "Wally, can you show me how to make changes to the skills database?" Wally: "I can't risk being known as the guy who knows how to edit the database." Tina: "Because?" Wally: "I barely have time to avoid the work I already have."
Monday November 17,
2003
Tags floating, happy, relaxed, vacation, floating to furious, broken promise
Transcript
Alice: "My vacation was so relaxing that I'm still floating." Man: "Hey, Alice, you know how I promised to cover all of your meetings for two weeks? I forgot until right now." Alice: "From floating to furious in 27 seconds. It's a personal best."
Friday November 28,
2003
Tags edited document, calirty, sent out, amazing, accuracy and relevance, spend career fixing
Transcript
The Boss: I edited your document for clarity and sent it out. Dilbert: wow. Its amazing how clear it is when you take out all of the accuracy and relevance. I stopped listening after wow I'll get busy spending the rest of my career fixing this.


