Service Business Comic Strips - Page 80
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 791 - 800 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday December 16,
2015
Nod At Preset Intervals
Tags lying, lie, collusion, nonverbal communication, honest, sales, sales personnel, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: You don't have to lie to customers, but at least nod your head when our salesperson lies. Dilbert: Can I not at preset intervals and let the salesperson time the lies to my nods? Salesman: I can work with that.
Tuesday December 15,
2015
I Would Never Ask You To Lie
Tags sales personnel, lying, sales, ethics, business
Transcript
Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.
Monday December 14,
2015
Dilbert Can Tweak The Software
Tags sales, sales personnel, demands, rules, promise, restrictions, obliviousness, business
Transcript
The Sales Call. Salesman: If you need any tweaks to the software, Dilbert can do that in minutes. Dilbert: I'm not allowed to tweak the software for one customer. Salesman: He'll do it anyway. Dilbert: I'm going to report you.
Sunday November 29,
2015
Tags anger, deadline, team, teamwork, frustration, rage, telekinesis, business
Transcript
Alice: I worked all night to finish my part. Coworker: I admire your work ethic, Alice. I only finished half of my part. Alice: Wait... if you didn't finish your part, it was a total waste of time for me to finish mine. Coworker: That's one way to look at it. Alice: What time last night did you know you would not be done by today? Coworker: Must have been about six. I got hungry, then I had to unwind. Are you trying to make my head explode by focusing anger at my skull? Alice: First time that worked. Practice paid off.
Monday November 16,
2015
The Boss Had A Great Weekend
Tags managers & supervisors, work ethic, Fun, weekend, listening, frustration, fair, fairness, equality, business
Transcript
Boss: Wow, I had an amazing weekend at my mountain cabin. Wine, friends, food, and amazing views! Dilbert: I worked all weekend because you said you would fire me if I didn't get this done by your arbitrary deadline. Boss: You're a terrible listener.
Friday November 13,
2015
Clarifying Our Strategies
Tags jargon, speaking, confusion, language, obliviousness, managers, fake, faking
Transcript
Boss: I hope that clarifies our strategy. Questions? Dilbert: From what you said, I can't tell if we're in the hardware or software business. Boss: We're B-to-B. Dilbert: How much do you with that meant something?
Sunday October 25,
2015
Tags computer, robot, replacement, doctor, medicine, obsolete, job, diagnose, necessity, technology, invention, business, medical
Transcript
Doctor: IBM's Watson supercomputer has diagnosed your symptoms. The computer just ordered the meds you need. They will be delivered in an hour by drone. Dilbert: Looks like your job as a doctor is becoming obsolete. Doctor: Ha ha! No. You still need a doctor and a nurse to make the system work. For example, the computer can't read its own screen and speak those words to patients. Dilbert: Actually, it can. Doctor: But the computer doesn't have a nurse. Dilbert: What does the nurse do? Nurse: I stab him if he tries to do more than read the screen.
Tuesday October 20,
2015
Wally Has A Sitting Injury
Tags injury, sitting, human resources, complaint, stress, hurt, health, business
Transcript
Wally: I need to report a work-related injury. Studies say extended sitting can increase stress. I sat in my cubicle and got all stressed out. Catbert: You have a sitting injury? Wally: Don't trivialize my pain.
Saturday October 17,
2015
Selfish Team Player
Tags hypocrisy, team, semantics, flaw, personality disorder, success, selfish, business
Transcript
Asok: If being selfish is necessary for success, how can I claim to be a team player? Wally: I like to use a tool called hypocrisy. Asok: That is actually a character flaw. Wally: Oh. No wonder people are so prickly about it.
Friday October 16,
2015
Dilbert Aligns His Goals
Tags work, happiness, balance, job, contentment, goal, opposition, oppose, business, psychology
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm concerned that my personal goals do not align with our corporate strategy. For example, I would like to be happy. What does the company want? Boss: Well, nothing along those lines.


