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Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator

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Dilbert Regulates Mood With Stimulator - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, stimulation, priorities, assignments, deadline, invention, mood, picnic, social anxiety

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Dilbert: I invented a way to regulate my mood with an external brain stimulator. Boss: You're supposed to be organizing the company picnic. Dilbert: Did you serious expect me to do that without an external brain stimulator?

Low Battery On Brain Stimulator

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Low Battery On Brain Stimulator  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boredom, invention, planning, party, picnic, details, cups

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Dilbert: I'm wearing a brain stimulator so I don't die of boredom while organizing the company picnic. Carol: Speaking of that, what kind of cups should I order? Do you want red or clear? And what sizes? How many? Is this a bad time? Device: Low battery.

Value Of A Start Up Idea

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Value Of A Start Up Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ideas, money, start-up, business, worth, value

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Boss: I have a great idea for a start-up company. All I need is a seed investor and an engineer to do all the work. Alice: I believe the economic term for what you have is "nothing."

Dilbert Aligns His Goals

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Dilbert Aligns His Goals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, happiness, balance, job, contentment, goal, opposition, oppose, business, psychology

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Dilbert: I'm concerned that my personal goals do not align with our corporate strategy. For example, I would like to be happy. What does the company want? Boss: Well, nothing along those lines.

The Generic Graph

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The Generic Graph - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, cost, saving, chart, graph, penny pinching, thrift, frugality

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Boss: The sales estimate looks like this. Alice: That looks like a chart you showed us yesterday about our travel budget. Boss: The company is standardizing on this one chart.

That's Motivation Not Stalking

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That's Motivation Not Stalking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags compliment, managers, jargon, sincerity, insincere, motivation, motivate, annoyance, frustration

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Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.

What The Family Would Think

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What The Family Would Think - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, interview, lying, deception, commitment, honesty, guest artist, donna oatney

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Man: If you hire me, I will dedicate 100 percent of my energy to making this company succeed! Dilbert: What would your family think if they heard that? Man: They'd understand. They're all huge liars, too.

Dilbert Doesn't Need Vacations

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Dilbert Doesn't Need Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags vacation, work ethic, workload, time off

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Boss: Company policy says you have to take a vacation. Dilbert: I don't want one. I would be bored for a week and come back to all the work that piled up while I was gone. Boss: Nothing about you is normal. Dilbert: Thank you.

Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave

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Wally Asks About Bereavement Leave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, bereavement, deception, time off

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Wally: Does the company offer bereavement leave? Boss: Yes. Wally: Good, because I have hundreds of cousins that don't 'take care of themselves. Cousin Ronnie just fell off a shed.

Expectations

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Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags expectations, misanthrope, happiness, contentment, psychology

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Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.