Good Bye Lunch Comic Strips - Page 80

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #your age, #talking to youth, #pleasure of flesh, #not getting it, #sought victory

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Wally: "When I was your age, Asok, I too sought the thrill of victory and the pleasure of the flesh." "But after twenty years of not getting either one, I made convenience my new mistress." "You know why I like talking to you?" Asok: "Because I am a good listener?" "No, because you're here."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock guy, #conflicts of interest, #knocked out, #fist down throat, #violence, #crime

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Alice: I didn't like the way he was looking at me. The Boss: "This isn't good." "He was the only stock analyst who had a "buy" recommendation on our company." Alice: "I think we're a "hold" now." The Boss: "Where will we find another one with so much conflict of interest??!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budget estimate, #useful numbers, #boss hibernation, #say number, #budget

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Asok the Intern and Dilbert sit at a table. The Boss comes in and says, "I need your budget estimate today." Asok replies, "We won't have useful numbers until next week." Dilbert turns and says, "It doesn't work that way, Asok." Asok says, "No?" Asok and Dilbert approach the Boss who stares blankly into space. Dilbert explains, "As soon as he asked the question, he went into 'boss hibernation.'" Dilbert waves his hand in front of his face and says, "He can't see or hear anything until we say a number. Watch." Dilbert says, "Three million dollars." The Boss comes to and says, "Uhn!" The Boss walks away and says, "Three million. Good work." Dilbert says, "The first time I saw it, I panicked and ended up with a budget of $911."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #few changes, #vinery idea, #unimaginative retread, #idea, #discredited, #energizing force, #chat, #manage someone else

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The Boss brings Dilbert a piece of paper. He tells him, "Good idea, Dilbert ... I made a few changes and sent it out." Dilbert reads the paper and screams, "GAAA!" Dilbert says, "You removed the parts that made it a visionary idea!" As the Boss stares at him blankly, Dilbert continues, "Now it's just an unimaginative retread of an idea that has been widely discredited." Dilbert yells in shock, "GAAA! AND IT HAS MY NAME ON IT!" Dilbert collapses back on his desk, saying, "That idea was the energizing force that gave me strength to work." Dilbert yells, "NOW IT'S DEAD! YOU KILLED IT!" Dilbert lies backwards, his head on his desk, gurgling. The Boss says, "I'd love to chat but I have to manage someone else now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #eating at desk, #furry log, #stealing from company

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CatBert: "Eating at your desk is like stealing from the company, Alice." Alice: "I'm working through my lunch hour, you furry log." Catbert: "Furry log?" Alice: "It's a term of endearment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balcberry, #contact, #do work, #all day, #prodcutivity

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Dilbert: "I need a Blackbery so I can be in e-mail contact at all times." "I'll be able to do work all day and all night. My productivity will soar!" The Boss: "Trust me, it doesn't look good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #cable compnay, #new glasses, #couch, #couch tech support

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Dogbert works for the cable company "If your picture is fuzzy then get new glasses." "If my glasses are theproblem, why does the couch look perfectly clear?" "Good question. Please hold while I transfer your to couch tech support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #glue stick, #quiet, #chapstick

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The boss: "Did I leave my chapstick in here? Ooh, there it is." "Tastes different." Wally: "I lost a good glue stick. But I gained a few hours of quiet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #selling stuff, #customer, #can't pay, #sociopath

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Dilbert: "Today I got a bonus for selling stuff to a customer who probably can't pay." Dogbert: "Does your soda taste any less delicious?" Dilbert: "No." Dogbert: "Congratulations, you're a sociopath." Dilbert: "It feels kinda good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #brand, #company name, #finding a team, #reputation, #new stadium

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Our marketing plan was to find a sports stadium to brand with our company's name. "The hard part was finding a team so jiuced up that our reputation seemed good in comparison." "How do you feel about the new stadium name?" "Rage. Same as always."