Lunch Money Comic Strips - Page 80

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

804 Results for Lunch Money

View 791 - 800 results for lunch money comic strips. Discover the best "Lunch Money" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Negotiates With Elbonia

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Negotiates With Elbonia - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #business ethics, #government, #money, #partisan politics, #stealing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.? Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments. Dilbert: Did they stop? Boss: No, but they said they would. Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder. Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?

Clones Embezzle

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Clones Embezzle - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #lunch, #sandwich, #company, #dissolve, #self-discovery, #consilting, #staffing, #clones, #embezzle, #journey

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert in lunchroom with dilbert: i had to dissolve my consulting company because i made the mistake of staffing it with my clones. every one of them embezzled from me. that sort of ended my journey of self-discovery.

Ceo Has Pandemic Plan

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Has Pandemic Plan - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #video conference, #stock market, #money, #rich, #lost, #pandemic, #health, #underpay, #stategy

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo on video conference: i used to be rich, but i lost it all in the stock market crash during the pandemic. luckily, i can make up the difference by working you idiots to death while underpaying you. video chat: we thought you didn't have a strategy. ceo: i just don't like to talk about it.

Factories No Buyers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Factories No Buyers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #money, #sarcasm, #customers, #poison

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our factories are back online, but we have no buyers. It turns out that our customer base overlaps with the people who recently poisoned themselves with household disinfectants. Boss: Who could have seen that coming? Dilbert: I won a bet on it.

Dilbert Tells The Odds

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Tells The Odds - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #decision, #estimate, #managers & supervisors, #miscommunication, #odds, #technology, #wrong

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i estimate odds at a 70% chance things go well, and a 30% chance we lose money on the deal. boss: if we lose money, will you admit you were wrong? dilbert: how could i be wrong? i'm just telling you the odds. boss: if we lose money, that's on you for recommending it. dilbert: um...no. i'm telling you the odds and letting you decide. boss: but you're the one saying this is such a great deal. dilbert upsetting and yelling forcing face mask off his face: i'm only telling you the odds, you pea-brained ignoramus!!! boss: so, you won't admit you were wrong? dilbert's face mask is over his eyes.

Vendor With No Facemask

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Vendor With No Facemask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #covering, #face, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #plastic, #required, #suffocated, #vendor

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: can you believe a vendor tried to come in here with no face mask? i told him it didn't matter what kind of face covering he used, it only mattered that he had one. this is where my tale takes a dark turn. now peeved, the vendor stormed back to his car, where he had a bagged lunch. he angrily removed the plastic wrap from his sandwich and wrapped it around his head to serve as his face mask. he suffocated in minutes obviously. dilbert: is that the sandwich? boss: would have gone to waste.

Lucky Profits

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Lucky Profits - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bonus, #business, #compensation, #executive, #managers & supervisors, #pandemic, #sarcasm, #technology, #video conferencing, #zoom, #luck

View Transcript

Transcript

catbert to ceo: there's a problem with your executive compensation. the company made so much money during the pandemic, purely by luck, that your bonus would be ten million dollars. ceo: i earned it. catbert: you made zoom calls wearing only socks.

Wally Does Three Jobs

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Does Three Jobs - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #money, #fortune, #employer, #employment, #working from home, #job, #manage, #expectations, #people

View Transcript

Transcript

wally and dilbert on video conference call. wally: i'm making a fortune working from home. three different employers think i work only for them. dilbert: how do you do three jobs at the same time: wally: it comes down to managing other people's expectations.

Audit Blackmail

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Audit Blackmail - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #business, #audit, #software, #blackmail, #free, #network, #money, #dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

dogbert: my audit of your company has uncovered a number of software vulnerabilities. for example, a blackmailer could take control of your network and make you pay a billion dollars to get it back. ceo: good work. what do we owe you? dogbert: the audit is free. i only did it to find ways to blackmail you.

Ruined The Stock Price

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ruined The Stock Price  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #stock, #subordinate, #inappropriate, #behavior, #bonus, #money, #paper towel, #ceo, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

boss: our stock is down because seventy-three subordinates accused our ceo of inappropriate behavior at work. so i can't give you a bonus even though your work was excellent. co-worker's head explodes: Boom!!! Carol: how'd he take it? Boss: grab some paper towels.