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Wally Is Ceo's Pet

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Wally Is Ceo's Pet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #bad influence, #mentoring, #mentor, #protege, #laziness, #work ethic, #changes

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Alice: How's it feel to be the CEO's pet employee? Wally: We call it mentoring. Alice: Has it changed you? Wally: No, but he seems more useless lately. Alice: I guess there's no backflow preventer on mentoring.

Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey

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Asok Applies To Be Wally's Lackey - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #assistant, #caffeine, #coffee, #croney, #lackey, #Promotion, #vice president, #upper body strength

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Asok: Now that you are a vice president, may I apply to be your lackey? Wally: If I'm being honest, Asok, I need someone with more upper body strength to carry my coffee all day. Asok: Then I said, "A Vice President's coffee can't be that heavy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #praise, #admiration, #anger, #compliments

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Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.

World's Greatest Economist

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World's Greatest Economist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 01, 2015's comic on:


Tags #coincidence, #deception, #economist, #economy, #money, #random jargon, #art, #science

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Dilbert: You are being hailed as the best economist of our age because your random jargon turned out to mean something. Wally: That's nice, but as a professional economist, I only care if there is a cash award. Dilbert: The world's greatest economist should already be rich. Wally: It's more art than science.

Useless Mansplainers

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Useless Mansplainers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mansplainer, #relations between the sexes, #sexism, #Women, #engineers, #programmers, #furstration

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Alice: I can't get any work done because my project team is a bunch of useless mansplainers. Why do men feel the need to explain things to me when I know more than they do? Boss: Let me explain it to you, Alice. Men like to show off and feel important. Alice: Stop it!

Mansplaining The Network

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Mansplaining The Network - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mansplainer, #mansplaining, #relations between the sexes, #sexism, #frustration

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Mansplaining. Man: Let me explain how our network is designed. Alice: I personally designed our network and I know far more about it than you ever will. Man: Do you know what a cloud is? Alice: It's where you'll be playing your harp in a minute.

Brainstorm With Other Engineers

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Brainstorm With Other Engineers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 20, 2015's comic on:


Tags #product design, #managers, #marketing, #simplicity, #complication, #inventions, #ideas, #business

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Boss: Our marketing people tell me your double-handed coffee mug could be a huge seller. Brainstorm with the other engineers and see if it needs more features. Wally: Do you have any other ideas for ruining the product, or should I focus on that one?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #dating, #social, #social interaction, #honesty, #politeness, #overshare, #relationships

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Woman: So, tell me a little about yourself, and be totally honest. Dilbert: Totally honest? Okay... I like technology more than I like people. I don't believe in free will, soulmates, or following my passion. I think life is a brief, meaningless event in a random universe that doesn't care. I only associate with other people because I have biological and economical needs. I think all human actions are driven by selfishness. Woman: Uh... okay. Do you have any questions for me? Dilbert: Am I still being totally honest or should I act curious?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #meditate, #meditation, #mindful, #mindfulness, #mbct, #stress, #trick, #laziness, #deception, #work ethic, #ruse, #nap, #napping

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Wally: Do you mind if I take Steve Jobs' advice and practice meditation and mindfulness? Science says meditation can reduce stress and make me more productive. And obviously it worked for Steve Jobs, so there's that. To the untrained eye, it will seem as if I am napping. But in reality, I will be quieting my mind to boost creativity. Boss: Meditate on your own time. Wally: Wow. That just stressed me out and shut down my creative juices. Boss: Just do your job! Wally: Because quality doesn't matter?

Useful Meetings

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Useful Meetings - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #meetings, #productivity, #leadership, #business

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Boss: I need you to come to a meeting now. Dilbert: Can I do something useful instead? Boss: The meeting will be useful. Dilbert: More useful than what I'm doing? Boss: How would I know? Dilbert: Is all leadership random or just yours?