Asok Comic Strips - Page 81

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View 801 - 810 results for Asok comic strips. Discover the best "Asok" comics from Dilbert.com.

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Tags hiring coordinator, projects, starts monday, input

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The Boss: I'd like your input on the idea of hiring a coordinator for our projects. "Terrible idea." "Waste of money." "Wouldn't help." "He starts Monday."

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Tags baby cio, meeting, diapers, nature calls, big words, very advanced, baby, infany, genius, smart, talks, business

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ALICE: have you met the new CIO? Dilbert: No. Alice: I hear he's young. New Cio: Hello. We need to integrate our enterprise resource planning with our existing E-commerce platform. Now if you'll excuse me. Nature Calls. AAAHHH.... Then we'll decentralize the procurement function and....hold on a second. Gramps could you do me a huge favor?

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Tags new philosophy, a bias for action, six sigma program, iso certification

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The Boss: Our new philosophy is 'a bias for action'. Dilbert: Are we eliminating our Six-Sigma program, the budget cycle, ISO certification, and our approval processes? The Boss: Can I get back to you on that? Dilbert: Sure. No rush.

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Tags meeting, pointing, everyone else, business

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The boss: Who needs a little management help on their project? "You could almost feel the teamwork in the air."

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Tags free pubilcity, never been done, sir richard branson

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Dogbert does public relations "You can't get free publicity simply by doing something better." "You have to do something in a way that has never been done." "It's a Sir Richard Branson sort of thing. You wouldn't understand."

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"Wally, too many people are asking me for things. How can I set priorities?" "Wait until everyone is yelling at you and then help whoever makes the scariest threat on any given day." "Is that what you do?" "No, I tell people to go ask you."

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"I disappoint people, but I'm learning to enjoy it." "The key to happiness is to love who you are, not who others want you to be." "Doesn't that make you a sociopath?" "Yeah. I love that about me."

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"We have a squatter problem." "We must make our empty cubicles appear occupied or else we'll lose them to other departments." "When we're done hosing our own company, can we start hosing the competition?" "Our customers are next."

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I have finished my projects. What's next? "Make a spreadsheet and track something." "Track what?" "I think you'll find that it doesn't matter."

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"In order to boost productivity, the company has decided that employees can not use e-mail on Fridays." "What if my highest priorities require e-mail? Should I waste my day doing worthless stuff?" "Geez, somehow you made a great idea seem ridiculous." "Yeah, that's all me."