Never Produced Anything Comic Strips - Page 81

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

897 Results for Never Produced Anything

View 801 - 810 results for never produced anything comic strips. Discover the best "Never Produced Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

Expectations

Thank you for voting.
Expectations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #expectations, #misanthrope, #happiness, #contentment, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #workload, #work ethic, #laziness, #teamwork, #team, #philosophy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't know how you are stress-free when we have so much work to do. Wally: It's all about understanding percentages. No matter how hard you work, you will never finish even two percent of what needs to be done. The financial rewards of doing two percent of your work are identical to doing none. It's also a good idea to volunteer for several projects so everyone thinks you're working on the other ones. Your problem is that you're doing actual work for no good reason. Dilbert: My problem is that I'm doing your work plus my work! Wally: It's only two percent more work, you whiner.

The Long Email

Thank you for voting.
The Long Email - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #communication, #laziness, #email, #tldr

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You never got back to me with your answer. Dilbert: Yes, I did. I spent three hours writing an email that tells you all you need to know. Boss: What did it say?

Electric Car Project

Thank you for voting.
Electric Car Project - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #manager, #labor, #time, #time management, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Welcome to the first meeting of our project to design an electric car. We've never tried to build an electric car, but how hard could it be? Dilbert: It's very hard. Boss: It doesn't feel that way. My part is mostly talk.

Get Multiple Approvals

Thank you for voting.
Get Multiple Approvals - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #managers, #problems, #work, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You need to get your capital budget approved by all of the department heads. We're in the middle of a reorg, so get approval from both the outgoing and the incoming managers. Dilbert: Someday I hope to solve a problem that is not caused by leadership. Boss: You'll never get that far.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mentor, #mentorship, #competition, #honesty, #truth

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I need some mentoring. Boss: This is awkward. On one hand, helping you would make me appear wise and generous. On the other hand, it would make you a more credible threat to take my job. I see you as more of an adversary than a subordinate. That's why I withhold vital information that you need to do your job. I've already said too much. Wally: Did you learn anything? Dilbert: Yes, unfortunately.

New Website Developer

Thank you for voting.
New Website Developer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #web, #internet, #site, #development, #code, #time, #deadline, #coding, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #scam, #language, #accent, #communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

Don't Harm The Artificial Soul

Thank you for voting.
Don't Harm The Artificial Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #soul, #drone, #artificial intelligence, #frustration, #death, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Pay no attention to the drone. That's where I keep my artificial soul. It's still in beta, so please don't say anything that might harm it. Boss: Let's go around the room and give our project updates. Drone: Pow!

Followship Training

Thank you for voting.
Followship Training - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #following, #lazy, #work ethic, #motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I'm too busy to take a leaders hip class, so I'm sending all of you to a followship class. Dilbert: Is that so we can learn how to follow someone who never learned to lead? Boss: That sounds like a good question for your followship teacher.