Not Give Raise Comic Strips - Page 81
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814 Results for Not Give Raise
View 801 - 810 results for not give raise comic strips. Discover the best "Not Give Raise" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday October 01,
2020
No Update Needed
Tags #apathy, #assignment, #face mask, #managers & supervisors, #project, #robot, #sarcasm, #technology, #update
Transcript
asok: would you like an update on my project? boss: no, not really. i only give you the projects i don't care about. asok: i just lost my will to live. boss: that is exactly why i plan to replace you with a robot.
Sunday October 25,
2020
Refusing Customer Demands
Tags #business, #customer, #demands, #face mask, #fault, #Lose, #managers & supervisors, #refuse, #sarcasm, #technology
Transcript
dilbert: as you instructed, i refused to give in to our biggest customer's demands and they canceled all of their orders. boss: i didn't tell you to do that, you fool! dilbert: you told me to do exactly that. boss: i never told you to lose our biggest customer! dilbert: you told me to refuse their demands. boss: but i didn't tell you to lose the customer! dilbert yelling: it's the same thing!!! boss: the important thing here is that it's your fault. Dilbert yelling: i get it!!!
Monday November 02,
2020
Boss Ear Piece
Tags #answers, #blockchain, #business, #ear piece, #evil, #ignorance, #managers & supervisors, #smart, #technology
Transcript
boss: later i have a meeting about blockchain and i don't understand anything about it. i'll be wearing this earpiece, and i want you to feed me smart lines. dilbert at home talking to dogbert: do you want to do something evil? dogbert: say no more. give me that.
Tuesday January 12,
2021
The Moron Option
Tags #business, #technology, #corporate rule, #vendor, #accounts receivable, #30 days, #pay, #payment, #exception, #moron
Transcript
dilbert: our corporate rule is that we won't do business with any vendor who does not give us at least 30 days to pay. dilbert: but we can get the same product for half the price if we go with the vendor who wants payment immediately. should we make an obvious exception here or be morons? boss: i think you're under-valuing the moron options.
Sunday January 24,
2021
Bad Qualities Cancel Out
Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm
Transcript
boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.
Sunday February 21,
2021
Alice Compliments Ted
Tags #business, #comparison, #project, #job, #great, #dread, #foreboding, #generous, #trap, #lull, #sabotage, #career, #monster
Transcript
alice: you did a great job on your project ted. ted: thank you. alice: you are most welcome. ted: wait. why do i have a sense of dread and foreboding? it isn't like you to give out generous compliments. this feels like a trap. you're lulling me into a false sense of security. you plan to sabotage my career to make yourself look better by comparison. ted yelling: you monster! boss: what's this all about? alice thinking: that worked out.
Wednesday February 17,
2021
Worth Praising
Tags #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #business, #human relations, #positive, #reinforcement, #praise worthy, #praise, #leader, #first
Transcript
wally: you never give me any positive reinforcement. boss: first you have to do something worth praising. wally: you can't call yourself a leader if you make me go first.
Friday March 19,
2021
Mask During Zoom
Tags #business, #covid-19, #video conference, #call, #laptop, #mask, #working at home, #work, #science, #study, #deny, #video call, #virus
Transcript
dilbert in front of laptop on video conference call. voice from laptop: i'd feel more comfortable if you wore a mask for this call. dilbert: i'm working at home. i can't possibly give you a virus over a video call. voice from laptop: show me a study that proves that or else stop denying science. Dilbert: um...
Sunday April 11,
2021
No Need To Zoom
Tags #managers & supervisors, #business, #technology, #video call, #voice call, #email, #texting, #zoom, #meeting, #update, #team, #laptop, #cell phone, #link, #progress
Transcript
boss: i'll schedule a zoom call with the whole team tomorrow to give the update. dilbert: or you could tell me tomorrow, and i'll tell the rest of the team on our noon zoom call. boss: um, okay. i'll send you a zoom link tomorrow. dilbert: does our call need to be a video call? can we do a voice call? boss: well, yes, i guess we could just do a voice call. dilbert: do we need to talk, or can you just send me an an email? boss: i suppose i could just send you an email. dilbert: okay. we're making progress. now, have you heard of "texting"?
Thursday April 01,
2021
Ruined The Stock Price
Tags #business, #technology, #stock, #subordinate, #inappropriate, #behavior, #bonus, #money, #paper towel, #ceo, #work
Transcript
boss: our stock is down because seventy-three subordinates accused our ceo of inappropriate behavior at work. so i can't give you a bonus even though your work was excellent. co-worker's head explodes: Boom!!! Carol: how'd he take it? Boss: grab some paper towels.