Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 81

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Dogbert

View 801 - 810 results for dogbert comic strips. Discover the best "Dogbert" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags create software, small investors, pick stocks, past trends, hubris, ignorance, testimonials

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm creating software that will help small investors pick stocks. "It combines past trends that are not indicative of the future with the user's hubris and ignorance." "Now all I need are testimonials from people whose results are not typical!" Dilbert: "So it works?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags tell vendor, combination, lack of importance, total insignificant

View Transcript

Transcript

Why would my boss tell a vendor our strategy and not tell me? "It's probably a combination of your lack of importance and your total insignificance." "Do you have anymore questions like that one?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job interview, extra luck, less available, albert einstein, hero, critic of war, jeffrey dahmer, lottery win

View Transcript

Transcript

"I have a job interview. Wish me luck." "No." "If you get extra luck then there might be less available for me." "I don't think it works that way." "I can't take that chance." "Tell me, Dilbert, who would you consider your hero?" "Albert Einstein." "That should be safe." "Oh, really? He was an outspoken critic of war. We design missle guidance systems." "How about Jeffrey Dahmer? No?" "I won the lottery!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags poison waffles, stock, insider trading, conflicts of interest, worthwhile, banking business

View Transcript

Transcript

"I'll recommend your stock to the public, but first I need some conflicts of interest to make it worthwhile." "For example, I'll need to get your investment banking business." "Okay." "And you need to merge with my other client that makes poison waffles." "Okay."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags knowledge is power, crush you

View Transcript

Transcript

Remember: Knowledge is power. "So never tell people anything because they might use it to crush you." "Do you understand?" "I'm not saying."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags temporary blindness, presciption, dopey, flashes of obvious

View Transcript

Transcript

Doctor: It's temporary blindness caused by your boss's flashes of the obvious. " doctor: Let Dogbert guide you for a few days. And here's a prescription to make you dopey." Dilbert: "Now?" Dogbert: "Whatever."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags immoral to sell, 40 thousand, shard filled donuts, forcing anyone, irrestibibly delcious

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Is it immoral for my company to sell forty-thousand calorie, shard-filled doughnuts?" Dogbert: "You're not forcing anyone to eat them; you're just making them irresistibly delicious." Dilbert: "How's that different?" Dogbert: "Bah!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hazardous donuts, free will, illuison, perceived path, greatest pleasure, rationalize, deciosn, mindless robot

View Transcript

Transcript

"You can't resist the shard-filled ultra-doughnuts even though you know the hazards." "Mmph" "Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure." "Now, rationalize your decision, you mindless pink robot!" "I'm only having one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags warning lables, on donuts, high calorie donuts, will kill you, tastes great, choked to death

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: The government says we have to put warning labels on our forty thousand calorie, shard -filled doughnuts prodcut. Dogbert: How about: warning! this product will kill you but thats okay because it tastes great! Police: It looks like he chocked on some sort of warning label.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultation, enbrace idea, frees your mid, profitable products, ultra donut, 40 thousand calories, sharp objects

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert consults Dogbert: Once you embrace the idea that your customers deserve to die... ...it frees your mind to invent splendidly profitable products. Its called the ultra - donut: forty thousand calories and filled with sharp objects.