How To Comic Strips - Page 81
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1000 Results for How To
View 801 - 810 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday December 11,
2003
Tags insincere optimism, artificial sense of urgency, delusion, work for challenge, not money, good ideas, sound bad
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm developing an insincere optimism to complement my artificial sense of urgency. Dilbert: I hope to top it off with a delusion that I work for the challenge and not the money. The Boss: How can you make good ideas sound so bad? Dilbert: Im an engineer.
Saturday January 17,
2004
Tags concierge, hotel, slave, do naything, oo much, donate kidney, kiss up, over trained, give pay
Transcript
Concierge: "Welcome to the Metrogarden hotel! How may I make your stay incredible?" "I would be delighted to iron your socks, examine you for suspicious moles or take a second job and give you my pay." Dilbert: "I think they over-trained you." "I'm shaved and preped to donate a kidney."
Wednesday February 18,
2004
Tags home theater, dvd, hd, dvr, satellite dish, mp3, widescreen, universal remote, people over, turn on
Transcript
The Boss: "My new home theater is amazing." "It's got a dvd, hd, dvr, fm, satellite dish, mp3, widescreen tv, seven speakers and a universal remote." "It's fun to invite people over so they can show me how to turn it on."
Saturday February 21,
2004
Tags make ted quit, aggressive replacement, share resources, job unbearable, pants, in same pants
Transcript
The boss: I hate Ted. How can I make him quit? Catbert: "That's easy." "Hire an aggressive replacement for Ted who will share his resources and make his job unbearable." Ted: "These are my pants." "Are you still here?"
Saturday February 28,
2004
Tags dogbert consults, easy financing, price gouge, leasing advice, paying, products
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: "You should offer your customers easy financing." "That disguises the true cost of your products so you can price-gouge and people will thank you." "How much are we paying you?" "I'm leasing my advice to you." "Thank you."
Tuesday March 02,
2004
Tags aspect manager, morale, effective, genius, change of leadership
Transcript
The Boss: "I've been named the aspect manager of moral. Effective today, you no longer report to me." Yippeeee! Woo hooo! Yes! CEO: "How did you improve the morale so quickly?" The Boss: "I'm a genius?"
Tuesday March 09,
2004
Tags enjoyable job, complaining spouse, enjoy being at work
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I make my job more enjoyable? Garbageman: Get a spouse who complains a lot and then have a few kids. Dilbert: Thats sound awful. Garbageman: you won't believe how much you enjoy being at work.
Thursday March 25,
2004
Tags career day, questions, careers, connected dots, generational
Transcript
Career Day The Boss: ...and thats why you should have a pre meeting before every meeting. any questions? Girl: how long will my generation need to work? The Boss: Sixty years. I see that you've connected the dots.
Monday April 05,
2004
Tags job application, increase workload, performance becomes average, excel
Transcript
Job Applicant "How do you reward your top performers?" "I keep increasing their work loads until their performances become average." "So, why would anyone try to excel?" "I use only the finest motivational posters."
Friday April 09,
2004
Tags accounting system, profitable, manage randomlt, claim success, funding, hug
Transcript
"Our accounting system is so inaccurate that we don't know how profitable anything is." "It's so bad that you could manage randomly and claim success no matter what happens." "I was looking for funding, not a hug."

