How To Comic Strips - Page 82
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1000 Results for How To
View 811 - 820 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday April 11,
2009
Tags dating, flirting, dinner, afraid, confused, yelling, relationships
Transcript
Woman says, "You're not my type. Why am I attracted to you? How did you do this, you monster!" Dilbert says, "In troubling economic times, my financial stability appeals to your survival instincts. It's basic evolution." Woman says, "Gaaa!!! That made me bored and aroused at the same time!" Dilbert says, "Science!"
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Friday April 03,
2009
Tags angry, frustrated, annoyed, stupidity
Transcript
Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "I have completed all of my menial assignments." Overqualified temp says, "Do you have any more trivial tasks to crush my sense of self-worth?" The boss says, "I've always wondered how many ceiling tiles are in the men's restroom." Overqualified temp thinks, "Die! Die! Die!"
Thursday April 02,
2009
Tags temp, talking, bragging, rude, mean
Transcript
Overqualified temp Overqualified temp says, "My last job was ambassador to Brunei. Before that I was undersecretary of commerce." The boss says, "Maybe the other admins can watch how you make copies and learn something." The boss thinks, "She's a talker."
Wednesday April 01,
2009
Tags stupidity, ignorant, cruel, clueless, angry, yelling
Transcript
The boss says, "I hired a temp to cover your job while you're on vacation." The boss says, "She's far more qualified than you, and her stated goal is to replace you but don't worry." Carol says, "How am I supposed to not worry about that?" The Boss says, "yoga?"
Thursday March 26,
2009
Tags greed, meeting, evil, anger, business
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Our new financial product is a hybrid of risky mortgage loans and a ponzi scheme." Dogbert says, "We'll cover our bad losses with our profits from making even worse loans." Dogbert says, "I'll need some wagging room while It tell you how this ties into my bonus structure."
Sunday March 22,
2009
Tags budget, coffee, suggestion, anger, firing, meeting, business
Transcript
the boss says, "I need ideas on how we can cut spending." Wally says, bring back free coffee." the boss says, "That's the opposite of cutting spending." Wally says, "It seems that way if you're short sighted." Wally says, "When I buy my own coffee, I don't drink as much." Wally says, "That make me less alert and about half as productive." Wally says, "If you give me free coffee, you can fire Ted and come out ahead." Wally says, "I rest my case." The boss says, "I'm sorry Ted. Wally makes a compelling argument." zzz
Tuesday March 03,
2009
Tags meeting, colors, useless, hatred, complaining, business
Transcript
The boss says, "At the value stream stand up meeting, all status reports must be in the form of red, yellow, or green." Mauve Ecru Cerulean Puce the boss says, "Sometimes the only point of a meeting is to remind me how much I hate them."
Saturday February 14,
2009
Tags choking, meeting, violence, pain, stupidity, business
Transcript
The boss says, "I rehired Dilbert for a salary much lower than his previous pay." The boss says, "That makes the rest of you overpaid and expendable. Please welcome him back." Alice says, "How bout a hug?" Alice says, "Today you learned that hugging has a dark side." Dilbert says, "Ow."
Wednesday February 11,
2009
Tags job, hatred, advise, business
Transcript
Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, " how am I supposed to collect money from people who don't have any?" Woman says, "Tell them to rob someone you don't like." Dilbert says, "?and that's my supervisor's home address. But you'd better hurry before all the good stuff is gone."
Tuesday January 27,
2009
Tags housing, mortgage, payment, unemployed, finances, banks, money
Transcript
Dilbert says, "I can't afford to pay the mortgage this month." Dogbert says, "There's no reason to worry." Dogbert says, "I doubt your bank can afford postage to send you an eviction notice." Dilbert says, "That didn't make me worry less." Dogbert says, "How are we set for firearms?"

