New Employee Comic Strips - Page 82
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 811 - 820 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday July 22,
2004
Tags taking chance, indoor plumbing, teach human habits, feral emplyee, trained, office
Transcript
"The feral employee" "I'm taking a chance by hiring you. Dont make me regret it." "Today, one of my seasoned professionals will teach you to use indoor plumbing." "Look! Look at me! The newspaper tucks under the arm!"
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday July 21,
2004
Tags hired feral employee, inexpensive, untrained, eat food, run away
Transcript
I hired a feral employee. "He's inexpensive because he's totally untrained." "Chomp" "Ouch!" "So far he knows how to eat food and run away."
Sunday July 18,
2004
Tags berating, humilation, importance of work, making sound rate products, motivate staff, no prasie, no raises, threats belittling, trophy wives
Transcript
The boss; I need help motivating the staff. Catbert: what have you already tried? The Boss: Threats, belittling, humiliation, empty promises, berating, slogans , posters and bullying. Catbert: hmmm...we can't praise them or they'd as for raises. Catbert: Maybe they can be motivated by the importance of their work. The boss: their work is making second rate products to sell to idiots so our executives can afford trophy wives. Catbert: have you tried yelling until your face turns purple? The boss> make three copies, please!!!! Carol: This is new.
Tuesday July 06,
2004
Tags bad news coming, time stopped, grows beard, eternity later, boss forgets
Transcript
Dilbert: Time has stopped until my boss gives me the bad news that he hinted was coming. Maybe I'll use the time to invent a new language and grow a beard. An Eternity later Dilbert: EE_YO NEBABA WANPONU GREP> The boss: I forgot why I wanted to talk to you.
Thursday July 01,
2004
Tags stalking new hire, date tomorrow, employee orientation, workplace hazards
Transcript
Alice: hows your stalking of the new hire going? Wally: we have a date for tomorrow. Alice: She's in an employee orientation meeting today. wally: Uh - oh. Module four is about identifying workplace hazards.
Tuesday June 29,
2004
Monday June 28,
2004
Tags hot mess employee, magnet for problems, wally stalks her
Transcript
"My life is a rolling disaster." "I'm a magnet for all problems legal, financial, medical and romantic." "Uh-oh... I sense another disaster brewing." wally: "Shes cute. I think I'll stalk her every day."
Sunday June 27,
2004
Tags engineers, office, name, zinger, introductions, invisible, resentful
Transcript
Why its great to be an engineer Hi Dilbert. Dilbert: Hi...there. He doesn't remember my name. Say it! Say my name! Hey dilbert. Now he'll be forced to introduce me, her- her. Alice: Am I interupting anything? dilbert: no Its awkward for you now. HA HA! squirm, you name forgetter. The pressure too introduce me must be killing you . HAHA! Dilbert: Do you have the new software specs? Alice: follow me. Alice: who was that guy? Dilbert: What guy?
Sunday June 20,
2004
Tags absorb project, zombie employee, flakey, wide eyed, not helpful
Transcript
The boss: Dilbert, you'll absorb bills project when he transfers. Dont worry, He'll tell you everything you need to know. The whatchamacallit has to be whatever or else the who sits will go hey hey. Now this is either the budget total or a fax number. Its absolutely critical that you....um...I lost my train of thought. Dilbert: do you have a list of key contacts? That would have been a good idea. Dilbert: Can I call you if I have questions? You can try. I love my coworkers, until they talk.
Monday June 07,
2004
Tags prima donna, indeispensable, being obnoxious, undermining authority, pants optional zone
Transcript
"I hired a new Prima Donna. I already hate his guts, but he's indispensable." "He'll be dividing his time between being obnoxious and undermining my authority." "And the rules don't apply to him." "I declare this a pants-optional zone."


