Job Interview Comic Strips - Page 82
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993 Results for Job Interview
View 811 - 820 results for job interview comic strips. Discover the best "Job Interview" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 30,
2013
Tags competition (psychology), elevators, fear, elevator, confrontation, threat, ceo, underling, power tripping
Transcript
CEO: Here's the hotshot that everyone says will someday take my job. I'm going to mentor you so hard your intestines will end up in your skull. Wally: I just figured out why people use the stairs.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Tuesday August 20,
2013
Tags cruelty, honesty, managers & supervisors, motivation, insincere, bar too high, low motivation, business
Transcript
Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.
Sunday September 22,
2013
Tags embarras myself, emotional meltdown, panicked, public speaking, substance abuse, worry
Transcript
Dilbert: I'm panicked about my presentation tomorrow. Wally: Relax. What's the worst that could happen? Dilbert: Well, I could embarrass myself in a career-ending way. Wally: Oh. I didn't think about that one. It might be so bad that you can't even get a recommendation for a future job. Then you'd have an emotional meltdown followed by substance abuse, untreated health issues, and a lonely death. And it could all happen because of something as trivial as a typo on one of your slides. I guess I can add "comforting" to my list of things I'm no good at.
Monday October 07,
2013
Tags deception, work ethic, headhunter, soften up, sqaut
Transcript
Wally: I'm a headhunter and I know someone who wants to offer you a much better job. Phone: Yes! Wally: I like to soften the room before I go for my performance review. I didn't do squat this year. Boss: Doesn't matter to me!
Sunday December 22,
2013
Tags inventions, automate, drone, send drone, designed, hydrogen, wool sweater, humanity
Transcript
Boss: I found a way to automate the hardest part of my job. I used to do a log of "management by walking around." It was exhausting. Now I just send my drone. I designed it myself and had it built in Elbonia. The hydrogen makes it lighter than air. Dilbert: Hydrogen? Boss: Let's see what Ted is up to. He's wearing a wool sweater today. Ted: Oh, the humanity! Boss: Hold this.
Saturday January 25,
2014
Tags frustration, ignorance (knowledge), project team, forrest fire, dropping baby, analogy, available people, stop progress
Transcript
Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.
Sunday April 27,
2014
Tags business ethics, deception, new business strategy, laptop, coffee shop, public access, wifi, hackers, strategy document, sell secrets, competitors, business strategy, break in
Transcript
Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.
Thursday April 03,
2014
Tags avoiding, employees, frustration, managers & supervisors, nothing going right, avoid, business
Transcript
Boss: Uh-oh. Alice: Guess what's going right for me today. Nothing!!! Boss: I usually do a better job of avoiding them when they have problems.
Sunday May 04,
2014
Tags inventions, thinking, product ideas, billion dollar ideas, unwilling, corporation, dumb person idea, pretend, drone that attacks, wooden screen phone
Transcript
Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?
Monday April 07,
2014
Tags anger, interrupting work, jargon, meeting with boss, not enough passion, stupid trendy, performance evaluation
Transcript
Boss: You don't show enough passion for your job. Dilbert: Stop interrupting my work with your stupid, trendy management jargon! Was that better or worse? I don't know how to tell.

