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Manager Of The Year Award

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Manager Of The Year Award - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #attendance, #manager, #management, #laissez faire, #cause and effect, #award, #accolade

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Catbert: Employees voted you "Manager of the Year." As usual, this honor is going to the manager with the worst attendance. We're hoping it's more of a correlation than a causation thing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology

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Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.

Teeth Brushing Accident

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Teeth Brushing Accident - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #insult, #criticism, #presentation, #stupid, #mean

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Coworker: Are there any questions about my presentation? Alice: Yes. Did you brush your teeth too aggressively and accidentally stab yourself in the brain? Coworker: Can you be more specific? Alice: Frontal lobes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2015's comic on:


Tags #manager, #inspiration, #entrepreneur, #risk, #irony, #catch-22, #creativity, #creative, #motivation

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Boss: I want you to think like entrepreneurs. Dilbert: Should we take huge risks? Boss: No, the stockholders would hate that. Alice: Should we act as though we have no boss? Boss: NO. That would be chaos. Dilbert: Will we become billionaires if we succeed? Boss: Raises are capped at 3% this year. I'm just saying you should be more creative. Dilbert: and then we should act? Boss: No, that's when the problems happen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2015's comic on:


Tags #quality, #work ethic, #shortcut, #laziness, #defective, #awards, #engineer, #engineering

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CEO: Congratulations to everyone who worked on our new laptop design. As I call your name, come up and get your certificate of accomplishment. Alice was in charge of the hardware and won several design awards. Dilbert was in charge of the award-winning software. And... Wally designed the power brick that weighs more than the laptop...and comes apart for no apparent reason. We probably won't show this in our ads. Wally: Hey, I worked on that for almost an hour!

Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection

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Wally Gets Nano Robot Injection - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nanorobot, #nanobot, #health, #motivation, #work ethic

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Catbert: For our employee wellness program we will inject nanorobots into your bloodstream to keep you free of disease. The nanorobots will also rewire your brain to make you a more effective worker. You might even feel motivated. Wally: Those robots are going to be disappointed.

Dilbert's Project Is Late

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Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2015's comic on:


Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

Alice Should Network With Men

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Alice Should Network With Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2015's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #sexism, #Women, #sexist, #attraction, #success, #glass ceiling

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CEO: Alice, the best way to break the glass ceiling is to do more networking with male co-workers. Alice: Can we talk about this over lunch? CEO: Wow. You are so into me.

Ceo Compensation

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Ceo Compensation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 24, 2015's comic on:


Tags #money, #worth, #salary, #wages, #fairness, #fair, #pay, #expenses, #saving, #rich people, #executives

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Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.

Ceo's Yacht

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Ceo's Yacht - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hypocrisy, #money, #salary, #wages, #net worth, #rich people, #yacht, #obliviousness, #saving, #cost

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CEO: We must learn to do more with less. Alice: You own a yacht that has an 18-hole golf course, and a landing strip for your jet, and its own zip code. CEO: I got a good deal on that. Alice: That's what the idiot that buys it form you will say, too.