Wally Comic Strips - Page 83

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brainstorm, discussion, less effective, meetings, new product ideas, stem cell technology

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Boss: Let's brainstorm new product ideas. Remember, the most important rule of brainstorming is no criticizing. Dilbert: I'll go first. Research shows that brainstorming is less effective than people working by themselves and later comparing ideas. My idea is to use stem cell technology to design bosses who aren't ignoramuses. Remember, you're not supposed to criticize ideas. But if you decide to do it anyway, it sort of proves my point. I understand whey brainstorming has a bad reputation, but it doesn't stop me from enjoying it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee & tea, late, coffee safety, whats real, trip, coffee in face

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Wally: Don't start. I'm late for the mandatory coffee safety training. I'd better run. Hunh! Boss: I can't tell what's real anymore.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags stock market, no raise, accomplished nothing, invest in penny stocks, hot stock tips, narrowed the gap, money

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Boss: Wally, I can't give you a raise because you accomplished nothing this year. Wally: That's okay because I make a fortune investing in penny stocks. Do you want some hot stock tips? Dilbert: Did you get a raise. Wally: No, but I narrowed the gap between his income and mine.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, extra hetero, more attractive, relationships, smiling

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Dilbert: Studies show that smiling makes you more attractive. Wally: Is it working. Dilbert: I just became extra hetero.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags minerals, moons orbit, rocket boosters, science fiction, asteroid, precious metals, afghanistan

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Dilbert: Rocket boosters will move an asteroid into the moon's orbit so we can mine its precious metals. Boss: Why don't we mine for precious metals in Afghanistan? They have lots of them. Dilbert: That only happens in science fiction.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags country, etiquette & ethics, meeting, mens restroom, sacred, sacred shrine, travel, elbonia, business

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Boss: How was your meeting in Elbonia? Wally: Awesome! Did you know that the most sacred shrine in Elbonia looks exactly like a men's restroom? Boss: No. Wally: Right. So don't blame me for not knowing.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, embarrass your compnay, etiquette & ethics, local debauchery, personal behavior, pollute ground water, pollution, reflect poorly, elbonia

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Wally: Where can I go to enjoy some of the local debauchery? Elbonian: Aren't you worried that your personal behavior will reflect poorly on your company? Wally: How can I embarrass a company that plans to pollute your groundwater? Elbonian: Say what? Wally in Elbonia

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags libertarianism, standards meeting, elbonia, legal, meeting, business

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Boss: Wally, I need you to attend a standards meeting in Elbonia. Wally: Heh, heh. A lot of things are legal in Elbonia that aren't legal here. Boss: Are any of you not libertarians? Wally: Heh, heh, heh.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffe lounge, more vocal, accomplishments, bragging, perfect substotute, wind, seat cushion

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Dilbert: I think I need to be more vocal about my accomplishments. Wally: I've found that bragging is a perfect substitute for accomplishing stuff. Dilbert: I plan to do both. Wally: Wow. You are the wind beneath my seat cushion.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, office workers, encouragement, career plans, misjudge, 5 year plan, legacy sytems, retirement, projects, protect heart, plenty of naps, quality of work, pension fund, new career plan

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Catbert: Wally, you can't float through life with no goals and no ambition. Wally: You misjudge me. I have my entire career planned out. My five-year plan is to avoid any sort of work in which my individual accomplishments can be measured. I'll hoard knowledge about one of our legacy systems so I seem indispensable. When I get to within four years of retirement, I'll only work on projects that have a five-year payback. I'll protect my cardiovascular system by getting plenty of naps and not caring about the quality of my work. Then I'll stick a straw in our pension fund and suck on it for the next forty years. Boss: Did you get him straightened out? Catbert: No, but I got a new career plan for myself.