5 Year Plan Comic Strips - Page 83

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840 Results for 5 Year Plan

View 821 - 830 results for 5 year plan comic strips. Discover the best "5 Year Plan" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2019's comic on:


Tags #argument, #boss, #business, #change, #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #money, #salary, #company

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't accomplish anything this year. Dilbert: Are you insane? I completely redesigned our line of products!!! Boss: That was mostly last year. Dilbert: You didn't give me a raise last year because I wasn't finished until January of this year. Now you aren't giving me a raise this year because I did most of the work last year. Give me one reason I shouldn't quit right now! Boss: Because every other company is just as bad. And you don't like change. Dilbert: I said one reason!

Tweaking Variables

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Tweaking Variables - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers, #strategy, #stupidity

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Dilbert: I can't get my five-year projections to match what you told the board. Boss: Try tweaking the variables until they do. Dilbert: That would make me a liar. Boss: Nah. In five years it will look like ordinary stupidity.

Adjust The Data

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Adjust The Data - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #engineering, #managers & supervisors, #office, #research, #tests, #data

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Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.

Gut Feeling

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Gut Feeling - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 21, 2019's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #tests, #data, #instinct

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Dilbert: Why are we going ahead with the plan when the data says it can't succeed? Boss: I manage by instinct and gut feelings. Dilbert: How's that different from being insane or stupid? Boss: My gut says I should not listen to you.

Have To Think About It

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Have To Think About It - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #idea, #managers & supervisors, #office, #office workers

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Dilbert: Do you like my idea? Boss: I need to think about it. Dilbert: You mean you plan to wait a few weeks and then act as if it was your idea? Boss: Now that idea I like right away.

Be More Like Alice

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Be More Like Alice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 24, 2019's comic on:


Tags #complain, #office, #office workers, #pay raise

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the boss: i can't give you a raise because you didn't do anything noteworthy this year. dilbert: it only seems that way because i'm so good at my job that i make it look easy and never complain. alice visually upset and yelling: my job is a nightmare!!! the boss: why can't you be more like alice?

Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting

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Elbonian Cyber Threat Meeting - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #elbonian, #cyber threat

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the boss: what are we doing about the elbonian cyber threat? dilbert: i called a meeting for tomorrow to come up with a plan for dealing with it. the boss: your weak response proves you are an elbonian spy. dilbert: what? to be continued...

Layoff Package

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Layoff Package - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 07, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #buyout

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dilbert, the boss and wally at conference room table. the boss: the company is announcing generous buyout packages for employees who elect to leave. dilbert: won't all the smart people leave first because they can easily get new jobs at higher pay? the boss: ummm... dilbert: if you don't get enough volunteers, will you start firing people? the boss: we have no plan to do that. dilbert: will you make a plan if too few people leave? the boss: oh, yes. dilbert: would it be fair to say the people who stay will envy the dead? the boss: um... one week later: the boss: how many took the offer? carol: it's just you now.

Encouraging Smoking

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Encouraging Smoking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 25, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #smoking, #turnover, #breaks

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dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.

Jargon Poisoning

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Jargon Poisoning - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 26, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #huddle, #jargon, #calendar

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ted: let's plan a huddle to ideate around that opportunity. dilbert visually distressed and yelling: gaaa!!! i have jargon poisoning! ted: i'll send you a calendar invite. dilbert has fell over and feet are in air.