Company Hose Comic Strips - Page 83

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

897 Results for Company Hose

View 821 - 830 results for company hose comic strips. Discover the best "Company Hose" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engagement, review, shortcut, honesty, human resources, hr, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's your employee engagement coming along? Dilbert: I'll make you a deal... I'll pretend I'm happy to be here if you pretend you believe it. Boss: I need more than that. I also want you to pretend you're loyal to the company. Dilbert: I can do that, if you pretend you're interested in my career development. Boss: Can we do all of that without talking? Dilbert: That's the best way. Boss: My job was a lot harder before I figured out all the shortcuts.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, evaluation, value, catch-22, fired, termination, engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Problem With The System

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Problem With The System - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fired, bottom, firing, termination, layoff, hierarchy, logic, illogical, executives

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Company policy says I have to fire the bottom ten percent of performers, so... you're fired. Dilbert: I thought I was near the top. Boss: That was before I fired everyone below you. Dilbert: Can you see any problem with your system? Boss: Yes, it's exhausting.

Internet Wants Ceo To Die

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Internet Wants Ceo To Die - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, shame, unpopular, popularity, public relations, gawker

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The company we acquired is making us look bad. Dilbert: How bad? CEO: The internet is demanding that I drink poison and apologize to the world while I die. What should I do? Dilbert: Well, I'm no doctor, but I'd go with something fast-acting.

Asok Agrees To Be Hit Man

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Asok Agrees To Be Hit Man - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, twitter, public speaking, embarrassment, spokesperson, killing, racism, assumption, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our company spokesperson embarrassed us on social media. Does this qualify him for an "honor killing?" Asok: No, and you're a racist. Boss: Here's what he said on social media. Asok: Okay, I'm in.

Strategy Document

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Strategy Document - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategy, obliviousness, insult

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I saw your email about destroying the company. Boss: Huh? The only email I sent you was my strategy for the coming year. Dilbert: Well, maybe I read it too fast.

Wally's Coffee Ideas

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally's Coffee Ideas - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee, obsession, caffeine, decaf, competition, thinking, intelligence

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I recommend buying the company that supplies coffee to our biggest competitor. We'll replace their regular coffee with decaf enjoy a solid 20-point I.Q. advantage over them. Boss: Do all of your ideas involve coffee. Wally: Only the good ones.

Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot Lawyer Writes Gibberish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags chair, conversation, meeting, robot, sue, table, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We replaced our company lawyer with a robot. Boss: It already rewrote all of our contracts into gibberish. Dilbert: Do we want that? Boss: I tried to ask, but it threatened to sue me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags space, cubicle, conference room, office, sharing, obstinacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have this conference room booked for a meeting. Alice: This is my private office now. I took it over. Dilbert: You can't just take over a conference room. Alice: I already did. It was easy. Now all I need to do is act as if it would be totally unreasonable to ask me to leave. Dilbert: You need to leave. I have this room reserved. Alice: That's totally unreasonable! I'm all settled in and I'm working on a company-critical deadline! Dilbert: I guess I could cancel my meeting. Alice: Perfect. Now get out of my office.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags communication, mumbling, speech, understanding

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's the URL for the test site? Boss: Ask Amy. Dilbert; Amy is a mumbler. I can't understand a word she says. Boss; Just ask her to speak up. Dilbert: I've tried that. All she does is mumble louder. And whenever I ask her a question by email, she answers the wrong question. If the only person who knows the URL for the test site is Amy, we probably need to build a new site and tell someone else the URL. Amy might be the most useless employee in the entire company. Wally: Can you teach me to mumble? Amy: Mumble, mumble, mumble. Narrator: Get your own system.