Every Day Retribution Comic Strips - Page 83

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

932 Results for Every Day Retribution

View 821 - 830 results for every day retribution comic strips. Discover the best "Every Day Retribution" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #sexism, #sexist, #misogyny, #conversation, #talking

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: You give Wally your full attention when he talks, but not me. You hang on every word the man says. But if I try to talk, you act distracted in five seconds. Wally gets more eye contact, too. You don't even look at me half the time I'm talking. Deep down, in your DNA, you know you are a sexist because you don't take me seriously when I speak to you. There is no other explanation, so don't insult me by trying. Dilbert: I give both of you the same amount of attention, but you spread it over more words. Alice: I hate both of you. Dilbert: Did I play that wrong? Wally: Yup.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 31, 2016's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #work ethic, #excuse, #paradox, #logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How's the software coming along? Wally: We're in the Zeno's paradox phase of the project. Boss: The what? Wally: It means every step we take gets us halfway closer to launch. Boss: Can you keep up that pace? Wally: I'm hoping it will look that way. Boss: Is Zeno's paradox a real thing? Dilbert: You'll find out. Narrator: Next Week. Boss: How's your project? Wally: Halfway closer than last week.

Employee Hat With Sensors

Thank you for voting.
Employee Hat With Sensors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #mind control, #thoughts, #police, #policing, #work ethic, #leisure, #daydreaming, #control, #surveillance, #legal

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.

New Company Mascot

Thank you for voting.
New Company Mascot - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #hunchback, #posture, #transformation, #health, #body

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I hear you're undergoing an identity transition. Dilbert: No, I just have bad posture from looking at a screen all day. I'm not literally turning into Quasimodo. Catbert: That's too bad, because we need a new mascot for the company and you would be perfect.

Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Thinks He Is Ready To Babysit - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #babysitting, #babysitter, #inexperience, #children, #parents, #cell phone, #communication, #Family, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's your mobile number in case I need to reach you while I"m babysitting your kids tonight? Carol: My phone is already turned off so the kids don't ruin my date night by texting every ten minutes. Dilbert: I can't tell if I'm prepared for tonight. Wally: Did you get their address?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2016's comic on:


Tags #insult, #offense, #engineer, #programmer, #coding, #anger, #technology, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: How's the software coming? Alice: Still waiting for you to give me the specs so I can start. Man: I already told you it's a cloud app that does data. Hey, I can't do your job for you. You have to meet me halfway. Aren't you supposed to be "agile?" I mean, how hard is it to rearrange zeroes and ones all day? Should I ask again tomorrow? Alice: Sure, if you're alive.

Asok The Uber Driver

Thank you for voting.
Asok The Uber Driver - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 2016's comic on:


Tags #driver, #taxi, #ride share, #rideshare, #money, #compensation, #wages

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Today is my first day as an Uber driver. I love the flexibility! I only have to work 75 hours a week and can pay my rent. Man: With plenty left over? Asok: Are you going to finish that sandwich?

Business Plan History

Thank you for voting.
Business Plan History - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2016's comic on:


Tags #business plan, #futile, #futility, #goal, #guest artist, #logic, #plan, #john glynn

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Before we make our business plan for the coming year, let's see how well we stayed on plan last year. We ended up doing nothing that was in our plan, just like every year. Dilbert: Why do't' we skip it this year? Boss: It would be irrational to have no plan.

Asok Negotiates With Boss

Thank you for voting.
Asok Negotiates With Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 10, 2016's comic on:


Tags #compensation, #haggle, #money, #negotiating, #negotiation, #obliviousness, #salary, #trick, #eric scott

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I demand a ten-million-dollar raise! Boss: Nice try! Every idiot knows that's your opening offer to set an anchor. Asok: I will settle for half of it. Boss: You'll take 30 percent of that, and not a penny more!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #advising, #teenagers, #parents, #Parenting, #tattoo, #piercing, #terrorism, #boundaries

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.