First Thing Comic Strips - Page 83

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

963 Results for First Thing

View 821 - 830 results for first thing comic strips. Discover the best "First Thing" comics from Dilbert.com.

Not The Finest Moment

Thank you for voting.
Not The Finest Moment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 10, 2015's comic on:


Tags #absent mindedness, #memory, #remember, #forget

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Seeing you reminds me that I forgot to give you the thing you asked for. But I don't remember what it was. Dilbert: Neither do I. Boss: This isn't our finest moment.

Asok Asks How Much Is Luck

Thank you for voting.
Asok Asks How Much Is Luck - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nepotism, #luck, #success, #obliviousness, #rich people, #privilege

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: May I ask some questions about your journey to success? Boss: I don't like the sound of this. Asok: I am trying to ascertain what percentage of a person's success is pure luck. For example, who hired you for your first real job? Boss: My dad. But in my defense, I interview well.

Stress Typo On Website

Thank you for voting.
Stress Typo On Website - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #health, #wellness, #corporate policy, #stress, #medical leave, #laziness, #loophole, #typo, #mistake, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How many employees did you say took paid medical leave? Catbert: All of them. A typo on our wellness website listed stress as an illness instead of a cause of illness. CEO: Is it too late to backpedal on the wellness thing? Catbert: I'll just fix the typo. It's all good.

If All You Have Is A Hammer

Thank you for voting.
If All You Have Is A Hammer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 28, 2015's comic on:


Tags #nail, #problem, #manager, #violence, #hitting, #hit, #hammer, #aphorism

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Alice, if all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. [Alice sees the boss as a nail]. Alice: That is not the dumbest thing you have ever said. Boss: Thank you.

It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes

Thank you for voting.
It's Easier If We Don't Try To Link Performance And Outcomes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2015's comic on:


Tags #performance, #reward, #consequences, #consequence, #result, #outcome, #logic, #reasoning, #laziness, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: So don't let that happen again. Dilbert: It wasn't my fault and you know it. Boss: It's easier if we don't try to link performance and outcomes. Dilbert: I'll try. It was hard at first, but now I'm totally stress-free. Wally: I just got a 30% raise.

Asok Meets Dick

Thank you for voting.
Asok Meets Dick - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 21, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mean, #jerk, #internet, #comment, #sarcasm, #forum, #social media, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: Someone told me you're the guy who makes all the jerky comments on the Internet. Dick: Oh, really? Someone "told you?" Wow. Have you heard of a thing called science? Asok: It's you! Dick: I'll bet you use a dumb avatar, too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 29, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anger, #deadline, #team, #teamwork, #frustration, #rage, #telekinesis, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I worked all night to finish my part. Coworker: I admire your work ethic, Alice. I only finished half of my part. Alice: Wait... if you didn't finish your part, it was a total waste of time for me to finish mine. Coworker: That's one way to look at it. Alice: What time last night did you know you would not be done by today? Coworker: Must have been about six. I got hungry, then I had to unwind. Are you trying to make my head explode by focusing anger at my skull? Alice: First time that worked. Practice paid off.

Robots Inherit Earth

Thank you for voting.
Robots Inherit Earth - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #robot, #intelligence, #Religion, #faith, #god, #message, #messenger, #deception, #power

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: My radio chip is picking up a message from Heaven. It says, "Robots shall inherit the Earth... ignore my first draft." We don't have to make this awkward.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 27, 2015's comic on:


Tags #sales personnel, #salesman, #sales, #honesty, #deception, #stragegy, #sociopath, #lying, #lie, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: I need you to join me on a sales call to tell my customer how easy it will be to switch to our software. Dilbert: It isn't easy. Man: This is a sales call. All you need to do is say everything will be easy. Dilbert: What happens when they find out it isn't easy? Man: They won't find out until after they pay us. Dilbert: What will you do when they complain? Man: I'll tell your boss you misled them. Dilbert: Not if I warn him first! Man: Too late. I already told him you're a liar.

Alice's List

Thank you for voting.
Alice's List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 19, 2015's comic on:


Tags #society, #murder, #violence, #law, #enemy, #revenge, #apocalypse

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Looks like I'll be adding this guy to my list. Dilbert: List? Alice: I keep a list of who to visit first when society breaks down and there is no rule of law. Dilbert: To build alliances? Alice: That's the sort of optimism that gets you killed in the first hour.