Successful Man Comic Strips - Page 83

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Successful Man

View 821 - 830 results for successful man comic strips. Discover the best "Successful Man" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee meail, #monitor, #recently estranged lovers, #curse words, #job title

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting at his computer. He says to The Boss, "I can monitor all employee e-mail from here." Catbert continues, "I'm looking for recently estranged lovers so I can promote one of them over the other." A man holds up a piece of paper and asks a female coworker, "Why is my new job title a long string of curse words?" The woman responds, "I win."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dimwitted twins, #free long distance, #low cost video phones

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: "My plan is to sell low-cost video-phones to dimwitted identical twins." Dogbert continues, "I'll even throw in free long-distance calling because that's the kind of guy I am." A man looks into a mirror and exclaims, "Gaaa!!! What are you doing at my girlfriend's house????"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cash, #conflicts if interest, #corporate skin, #huge failures, #no red flags, #potential client, #track record

View Transcript

Transcript

A man with hair pointy like antennae approaches The Boss and says, "Hello, potential client. I'm a consultick." The consultick continues, "I'll burrow into your corporate skin, suck your cash and never leave." The consultick continues, "My firm has a track record of huge consulting failures and conflicts of interest!" The Boss thinks, "No red flags."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lost cash, #consultectomy, #wallet, #transfusion, #sedate unwilling donor, #happy hour

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is lying in bed. Dogbert says, "The consultectomy was successful, but you lost a lot of cash." Dogbert continues, "We're giving your wallet a transfusion, but we had to sedate an unwilling donor." A businessman sits on a bed with a martini in one hand. There is tube stretching from his pocket to The Boss' wallet, Ratbert is manning the machine. The businessman says, "Whoever thought of happy hour at a hospital is a geniush."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bailing on project, #ensure survival, #loser pill, #rejected by wally, #pill, #therapy, #therapist, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm bailing out of your project; it has the scent of failure." As Wally walks away, he adds, "I will attach myself to a more successful host to ensure my survival." Dilbert is lying on a therapist's couch. He says, "Do you have a pill for someone who gets rejected by Wally?" The therapist replies, "A loser pill?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #funding, #continuous harping, #expensive consultant, #analyze budget, #chaos, #complexity, #simulations

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "In response to your continuous harping about not having enough funding.." The Boss is joined by another man. The Boss continues, "I hired an expensive consultant to analyze your budget." The consultant says to Dilbert, "I'll have to run some chaos and complexity simulations, but it looks as if you need more money."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #health benefits, #itch, #mood altering, #stinking weasel, #skin rash, #drugs

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "I'm taking a mood-altering prescription drug to treat a skin rash." Dilbert continues, "I still itch, but I don't care. In fact, I don't even think you're a huge, stinkin' weasel." Dilbert points to The Boss with both hands and exclaims, "I love you! You da man!" The Boss replies, "Remind me to cancel your health benefits."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #loser magazine, #featuring you, #cover photo, #breakroom, #napping, #show offs

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol enters Wally's cubicle and says, "A man from 'Loser Magazine' wants to see you." Carol continues, "He said something about featuring you on the cover." Wally replies, "Send him over." Carol looks out and says, "I tried, but he keeps going into the break room and napping." Wally responds, "I hate show-offs."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cost cutting, #job for a day, #dream of grave, #less motivating

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss approaches Carol with another man. The Boss says, "Our department won the cost-cutting contest, so our CEO will do your job for a day." The CEO sits in Carol's cubicle and says, "I feel like a failure.. darkness fills my days... I dream of the grave." The CEO cries, "I'll never be loved again!!" The Boss says, "This is less motivating than I'd hoped."